POLYGAMY ?
Let us now tackle the important question of polygamy. Polygamy is a very ancient practice found in many human societies. The Bible did not condemn polygamy. To the contrary, the Old Testament and Rabbinic writings frequently attest to the legality of polygamy. King Solomon is said to have had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3) Also, king David is said to have had many wives and concubines (2 Samuel 5:13). The Old Testament does have some injunctions on how to distribute the property of a man among his sons from different wives (Deut. 22:7). The only restriction on polygamy is a ban on taking a wife's sister as a rival wife (Lev. 18:18). The Talmud advises a maximum of four wives. 51 European Jews continued to practice polygamy until the sixteenth century. Oriental Jews regularly practiced polygamy until they arrived in Israel where it is forbidden under civil law. However, under religious law which overrides civil law in such cases, it is permissible. 52
What about the New Testament? According to Father Eugene Hillman in his insightful book, Polygamy reconsidered, "Nowhere in the New Testament is there any explicit commandment that marriage should be monogamous or any explicit commandment forbidding polygamy."53 Moreover, Jesus has not spoken against polygamy though it was practiced by the Jews of his society. Father Hillman stresses the fact that the Church in Rome banned polygamy in order to conform to the Greco-Roman culture (which prescribed only one legal wife while tolerating concubinage and prostitution). He cited St. Augustine, "Now indeed in our time, and in keeping with Roman custom, it is no longer allowed to take another wife." 54 African churches and African Christians often remind their European brothers that the Church's ban on polygamy is a cultural tradition and not an authentic Christian injunction.
The Quran, too, allowed polygamy, but not without restrictions:
"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one" (Quran 4:3).
The Quran, contrary to the Bible, limited the maximum number of wives to four under the strict condition of treating the wives equally and justly. It should not be understood that the Quran is exhorting the believers to practice polygamy, or that polygamy is considered as an ideal. In other words, the Quran has "tolerated" or "allowed" polygamy, and no more, but why? Why is polygamy permissible ? The answer is simple: there are places and times in which there are compelling social and moral reasons for polygamy. As the above Quranic verse indicates, the issue of polygamy in Islam cannot be understood apart from community obligations towards orphans and widows. Islam as a universal religion suitable for all places and all times could not ignore these compelling obligations.
In most human societies, females outnumber males. In the U.S. there are, at least, eight million more women than men. In a country like Guinea there are 122 females for every 100 males. In Tanzania, there are 95.1 males per 100 females. 55 What should a society do towards such unbalanced sex ratios? There are various solutions, some might suggest celibacy, others would prefer female infanticide (which does happen in some societies in the world today !). Others may think the only outlet is that the society should tolerate all manners of sexual permissiveness: prostitution, sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, etc. For other societies , like most African societies today, the most honorable outlet is to allow polygamous marriage as a culturally accepted and socially respected institution. The point that is often misunderstood in the West is that women in other cultures do not necessarily look at polygamy as a sign of women's degradation. For example, many young African brides , whether Christians or Muslims or otherwise, would prefer to marry a married man who has already proved himself to be a responsible husband. Many African wives urge their husbands to get a second wife so that they do not feel lonely. 56 A survey of over six thousand women, ranging in age from 15 to 59, conducted in the second largest city in Nigeria showed that 60 percent of these women would be pleased if their husbands took another wife. Only 23 percent expressed anger at the idea of sharing with another wife. Seventy-six percent of the women in a survey conducted in Kenya viewed polygamy positively. In a survey undertaken in rural Kenya, 25 out of 27 women considered polygamy to be better than monogamy. These women felt polygamy can be a happy and beneficial experience if the co-wives cooperate with each other. 57 Polygamy in most African societies is such a respectable institution that some Protestant churches are becoming more tolerant of it. A bishop of the Anglican Church in Kenya declared that, "Although monogamy may be ideal for the expression of love between husband and wife, the church should consider that in certain cultures polygyny is socially acceptable and that the belief that polygyny is contrary to Christianity is no longer tenable." 58 After a careful study of African polygamy, Reverend David Gitari of the Anglican Church has concluded that polygamy, as ideally practiced, is more Christian than divorce and remarriage as far as the abandoned wives and children are concerned. 59 I personally know of some highly educated African wives who, despite having lived in the West for many years, do not have any objections against polygamy. One of them, who lives in the U.S., solemnly exhorts her husband to get a second wife to help her in raising the kids.
The problem of the unbalanced sex ratios becomes truly problematic at times of war. Native American Indian tribes used to suffer highly unbalanced sex ratios after wartime losses. Women in these tribes, who in fact enjoyed a fairly high status, accepted polygamy as the best protection against indulgence in indecent activities. European settlers, without offering any other alternative, condemned this Indian polygamy as 'uncivilised'. 60 After the second world war, there were 7,300,000 more women than men in Germany (3.3 million of them were widows). There were 100 men aged 20 to 30 for every 167 women in that age group. 61 Many of these women needed a man not only as a companion but also as a provider for the household in a time of unprecedented misery and hardship. The soldiers of the victorious Allied Armies exploited these women's vulnerability. Many young girls and widows had liaisons with members of the occupying forces. Many American and British soldiers paid for their pleasures in cigarettes, chocolate, and bread. Children were overjoyed at the gifts these strangers brought. A 10 year old boy on hearing of such gifts from other children wished from all his heart for an 'Englishman' for his mother so that she need not go hungry any longer. 62 We have to ask our own conscience at this point: What is more dignifying to a woman? An accepted and respected second wife as in the native Indians' approach, or a virtual prostitute as in the 'civilised' Allies approach? In other words, what is more dignifying to a woman, the Quranic prescription or the theology based on the culture of the Roman Empire?
It is interesting to note that in an international youth conference held in Munich in 1948 the problem of the highly unbalanced sex ratio in Germany was discussed. When it became clear that no solution could be agreed upon, some participants suggested polygamy. The initial reaction of the gathering was a mixture of shock and disgust. However, after a careful study of the proposal, the participants agreed that it was the only possible solution. Consequently, polygamy was included among the conference final recommendations. 63
The world today possesses more weapons of mass destruction than ever before and the European churches might, sooner or later, be obliged to accept polygamy as the only way out. Father Hillman has thoughtfully recognized this fact, "It is quite conceivable that these genocidal techniques (nuclear, biological, chemical..) could produce so drastic an imbalance among the sexes that plural marriage would become a necessary means of survival....Then contrary to previous custom and law, an overriding natural and moral inclination might arise in favour of polygamy. In such a situation, theologians and church leaders would quickly produce weighty reasons and biblical texts to justify a new conception of marriage." 64
To the present day, polygamy continues to be a viable solution to some of the social ills of modern societies. The communal obligations that the Quran mentions in association with the permission of polygamy are more visible at present in some Western societies than in Africa. For example, In the United States today, there is a severe gender crisis in the black community. One out of every twenty young black males may die before reaching the age of 21. For those between 20 and 35 years of age, homicide is the leading cause of death. 65 Besides, many young black males are unemployed, in jail, or on dope. 66 As a result, one in four black women, at age 40, has never married, as compared with one in ten white women. 67 Moreover, many young black females become single mothers before the age of 20 and find themselves in need of providers. The end result of these tragic circumstances is that an increasing number of black women are engaged in what is called 'man-sharing'. 68 That is, many of these hapless single black women are involved in affairs with married men. The wives are often unaware of the fact that other women are 'sharing' their husbands with them. Some observers of the crisis of man-sharing in the African American community strongly recommend consensual polygamy as a temporary answer to the shortage of black males until more comprehensive reforms in the American society at large are undertaken. 69 By consensual polygamy they mean a polygamy that is sanctioned by the community and to which all the parties involved have agreed, as opposed to the usually secret man-sharing which is detrimental both to the wife and to the community in general. The problem of man-sharing in the African American community was the topic of a panel discussion held at Temple University in Philadelphia on January 27, 1993. 70 Some of the speakers recommended polygamy as one potential remedy for the crisis. They also suggested that polygamy should not be banned by law, particularly in a society that tolerates prostitution and mistresses. The comment of one woman from the audience that African Americans needed to learn from Africa where polygamy was responsibly practiced elicited enthusiastic applause.
Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist of Roman Catholic heritage, in his provocative book, Plural marriage for our time, proposes polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men and the African Americans who are involved in man-sharing. 71
In 1987, a poll conducted by the student newspaper at the university of California at Berkeley asked the students whether they agreed that men should be allowed by law to have more than one wife in response to a perceived shortage of male marriage candidates in California. Almost all of the students polled approved of the idea. One female student even stated that a polyganous marriage would fulfil her emotional and physical needs while giving her greater freedom than a monogamous union. 72In fact, this same argument is also used by the few remaining fundamentalist Mormon women who still practice polygamy in the U.S. They believe that polygamy is an ideal way for a woman to have both a career and children since the wives help each other care for the children. 73
It has to be added that polygamy in Islam is a matter of mutual consent. No one can force a woman to marry a married man. Besides, the wife has the right to stipulate that her husband must not marry any other woman as a second wife. 74
The Bible, on the other hand, sometimes resorts to forcible polygamy. A childless widow must marry her husband's brother, even if he is already married (see the "Plight of Widows" section),regardless of her consent (Genesis 38:8-10).
It should be noted that in many Muslim societies today the practice of polygamy is rare since the gap between the numbers of both sexes is not huge. One can, safely, say that the rate of polygamous marriages in the Muslim world is much less than the rate of extramarital affairs in the West. In other words, men in the Muslim world today are far more strictly monogamous than men in the Western world.
Billy Graham, the eminent Christian evangelist has recognized this fact: "Christianity cannot compromise on the question of polygamy. If present-day Christianity cannot do so, it is to its own detriment. Islam has permitted polygamy as a solution to social ills and has allowed a certain degree of latitude to human nature but only within the strictly defined framework of the law. Christian countries make a great show of monogamy, but actually they practice polygamy. No one is unaware of the part mistresses play in Western society. In this respect Islam is a fundamentally honest religion, and permits a Muslim to marry a second wife if he must, but strictly forbids all clandestine amatory associations in order to safeguard the moral probity of the community."75
It is of interest to note that many, non-Muslim as well as Muslim, countries in the world today have outlawed polygamy. Taking a second wife, even with the free consent of the first wife, is a violation of the law. On the other hand, cheating on the wife, without her knowledge or consent, is perfectly legitimate as far as the law is concerned! What is the legal wisdom behind such a contradiction? Is the law designed to reward deception and punish honesty? It is one of the unfathomable paradoxes of our modern 'civilised' world.
Saturday, 12 March 2011
PLIGHT OF WIDOWS
PLIGHT OF WIDOWS ?
Because of the fact that the Old Testament recognized no inheritance rights to them, widows were among the most vulnerable of the Jewish population. The male relatives who inherited all of a woman's deceased husband's estate were to provide for her from that estate. However, widows had no way to ensure this provision was carried out, and lived on the mercy of others. Therefore, widows were among the lowest classes in ancient Israel and widowhood was considered a symbol of great degradation (Isaiah 54:4). But the plight of a widow in the Biblical tradition extended even beyond her exclusion from her husband's property. According to Genesis 38, a childless widow must marry her husband's brother, even if he is already married, so that he can produce offspring for his dead brother, thus ensuring his brother's name will not die out.
"Then Judah said to Onan, 'Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother' " (Genesis 38:8).
The widow's consent to this marriage is not required. The widow is treated as part of her deceased husband's property whose main function is to ensure her husband's posterity. This Biblical law is still practiced in today's Israel. 48 A childless widow in Israel is bequeathed to her husband's brother. If the brother is too young to marry, she has to wait until he comes of age. Should the deceased husband's brother refuse to marry her, she is set free and can then marry any man of her choice. It is not an uncommon phenomenon in Israel that widows are subjected to blackmail by their brothers-in-law in order to gain their freedom.
The pagan Arabs before Islam had similar practices. A widow was considered a part of her husband's property to be inherited by his male heirs and she was, usually, given in marriage to the deceased man's eldest son from another wife. The Quran scathingly attacked and abolished this degrading custom:
"And marry not women whom your fathers married--Except what is past-- it was shameful, odious, and abominable custom indeed" (Quran 4:22).
Widows and divorced women were so looked down upon in the Biblical tradition that the high priest could not marry a widow, a divorced woman, or a prostitute:
"The woman he (the high priest) marries must be a virgin. He must not marry a widow, a divorced woman, or a woman defiled by prostitution, but only a virgin from his own people, so he will not defile his offspring among his people" (Lev. 21:13-15)
In Israel today, a descendant of the Cohen caste (the high priests of the days of the Temple) cannot marry a divorcee, a widow, or a prostitute. 49 In the Jewish legislation, a woman who has been widowed three times with all the three husbands dying of natural causes is considered 'fatal' and forbidden to marry again. 50 The Quran, on the other hand, recognizes neither castes nor fatal persons. Widows and divorcees have the freedom to marry whomever they choose. There is no stigma attached to divorce or widowhood in the Quran:
"When you divorce women and they fulfil their terms [three menstruation periods] either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; But do not take them back to injure them or to take undue advantage, If anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah's signs as a jest" (Quran 2:231).
"If any of you die and leave widows behind, they shall wait four months and ten days. When they have fulfilled their term, there is no blame on you if they dispose of themselves in a just manner" (Quran 2:234).
"Those of you who die and leave widows should bequeath for their widows a year's maintenance and residence. But if they [the widows] leave (the residence) there is no blame on you for what they justly do with themselves" (Quran 2:240).
Because of the fact that the Old Testament recognized no inheritance rights to them, widows were among the most vulnerable of the Jewish population. The male relatives who inherited all of a woman's deceased husband's estate were to provide for her from that estate. However, widows had no way to ensure this provision was carried out, and lived on the mercy of others. Therefore, widows were among the lowest classes in ancient Israel and widowhood was considered a symbol of great degradation (Isaiah 54:4). But the plight of a widow in the Biblical tradition extended even beyond her exclusion from her husband's property. According to Genesis 38, a childless widow must marry her husband's brother, even if he is already married, so that he can produce offspring for his dead brother, thus ensuring his brother's name will not die out.
"Then Judah said to Onan, 'Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother' " (Genesis 38:8).
The widow's consent to this marriage is not required. The widow is treated as part of her deceased husband's property whose main function is to ensure her husband's posterity. This Biblical law is still practiced in today's Israel. 48 A childless widow in Israel is bequeathed to her husband's brother. If the brother is too young to marry, she has to wait until he comes of age. Should the deceased husband's brother refuse to marry her, she is set free and can then marry any man of her choice. It is not an uncommon phenomenon in Israel that widows are subjected to blackmail by their brothers-in-law in order to gain their freedom.
The pagan Arabs before Islam had similar practices. A widow was considered a part of her husband's property to be inherited by his male heirs and she was, usually, given in marriage to the deceased man's eldest son from another wife. The Quran scathingly attacked and abolished this degrading custom:
"And marry not women whom your fathers married--Except what is past-- it was shameful, odious, and abominable custom indeed" (Quran 4:22).
Widows and divorced women were so looked down upon in the Biblical tradition that the high priest could not marry a widow, a divorced woman, or a prostitute:
"The woman he (the high priest) marries must be a virgin. He must not marry a widow, a divorced woman, or a woman defiled by prostitution, but only a virgin from his own people, so he will not defile his offspring among his people" (Lev. 21:13-15)
In Israel today, a descendant of the Cohen caste (the high priests of the days of the Temple) cannot marry a divorcee, a widow, or a prostitute. 49 In the Jewish legislation, a woman who has been widowed three times with all the three husbands dying of natural causes is considered 'fatal' and forbidden to marry again. 50 The Quran, on the other hand, recognizes neither castes nor fatal persons. Widows and divorcees have the freedom to marry whomever they choose. There is no stigma attached to divorce or widowhood in the Quran:
"When you divorce women and they fulfil their terms [three menstruation periods] either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; But do not take them back to injure them or to take undue advantage, If anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah's signs as a jest" (Quran 2:231).
"If any of you die and leave widows behind, they shall wait four months and ten days. When they have fulfilled their term, there is no blame on you if they dispose of themselves in a just manner" (Quran 2:234).
"Those of you who die and leave widows should bequeath for their widows a year's maintenance and residence. But if they [the widows] leave (the residence) there is no blame on you for what they justly do with themselves" (Quran 2:240).
FEMALE INHERITANCE
FEMALE INHERITANCE ?>
One of the most important differences between the Quran and the Bible is their attitude towards female inheritance of the property of a deceased relative. The Biblical attitude has been succinctly described by Rabbi Epstein: "The continuous and unbroken tradition since the Biblical days gives the female members of the household, wife and daughters, no right of succession to the family estate. In the more primitive scheme of succession, the female members of the family were considered part of the estate and as remote from the legal personality of an heir as the slave. Whereas by Mosaic enactment the daughters were admitted to succession in the event of no male issue remained, the wife was not recognized as heir even in such conditions."44
Why were the female members of the family considered part of the family estate? Rabbi Epstein has the answer: "They are owned --before marriage, by the father; after marriage, by the husband."45
The Biblical rules of inheritance are outlined in Numbers 27:1-11. A wife is given no share in her husband's estate, while he is her first heir, even before her sons. A daughter can inherit only if no male heirs exist. A mother is not an heir at all while the father is. Widows and daughters, in case male children remained, were at the mercy of the male heirs for provision. That is why widows and orphan girls were among the most destitute members of the Jewish society.
Christianity has followed suit for long time. Both the ecclesiastical and civil laws of Christendom barred daughters from sharing with their brothers in the father's patrimony. Besides, wives were deprived of any inheritance rights. These iniquitous laws survived till late in the last century. 46
Among the pagan Arabs before Islam, inheritance rights were confined exclusively to the male relatives. The Quran abolished all these unjust customs and gave all the female relatives inheritance shares:
"From what is left by parents and those nearest related there is a share for men and a share for women, whether the property be small or large --a determinate share" (Quran 4:7).
Muslim mothers, wives, daughters, and sisters had received inheritance rights thirteen hundred years before Europe recognized that these rights even existed. The division of inheritance is a vast subject with an enormous amount of details (Quran 4:7,11,12,176). The general rule is that the female share is half the male's except the cases in which the mother receives equal share to that of the father. This general rule if taken in isolation from other legislations concerning men and women may seem unfair. In order to understand the rationale behind this rule, one must take into account the fact that the financial obligations of men in Islam far exceed those of women (see the "Wife's property?" section). A bridegroom must provide his bride with a marriage gift. This gift becomes her exclusive property and remains so even if she is later divorced. The bride is under no obligation to present any gifts to her groom. Moreover, the Muslim husband is charged with the maintenance of his wife and children. The wife, on the other hand, is not obliged to help him in this regard. Her property and earnings are for her use alone except what she may voluntarily offer her husband. Besides, one has to realize that Islam vehemently advocates family life. It strongly encourages youth to get married, discourages divorce, and does not regard celibacy as a virtue. Therefore, in a truly Islamic society, family life is the norm and single life is the rare exception. That is, almost all marriage-aged women and men are married in an Islamic society. In light of these facts, one would appreciate that Muslim men, in general, have greater financial burdens than Muslim women and thus inheritance rules are meant to offset this imbalance so that the society lives free of all gender or class wars. After a simple comparison between the financial rights and duties of Muslim women, one British Muslim woman has concluded that Islam has treated women not only fairly but generously.
One of the most important differences between the Quran and the Bible is their attitude towards female inheritance of the property of a deceased relative. The Biblical attitude has been succinctly described by Rabbi Epstein: "The continuous and unbroken tradition since the Biblical days gives the female members of the household, wife and daughters, no right of succession to the family estate. In the more primitive scheme of succession, the female members of the family were considered part of the estate and as remote from the legal personality of an heir as the slave. Whereas by Mosaic enactment the daughters were admitted to succession in the event of no male issue remained, the wife was not recognized as heir even in such conditions."44
Why were the female members of the family considered part of the family estate? Rabbi Epstein has the answer: "They are owned --before marriage, by the father; after marriage, by the husband."45
The Biblical rules of inheritance are outlined in Numbers 27:1-11. A wife is given no share in her husband's estate, while he is her first heir, even before her sons. A daughter can inherit only if no male heirs exist. A mother is not an heir at all while the father is. Widows and daughters, in case male children remained, were at the mercy of the male heirs for provision. That is why widows and orphan girls were among the most destitute members of the Jewish society.
Christianity has followed suit for long time. Both the ecclesiastical and civil laws of Christendom barred daughters from sharing with their brothers in the father's patrimony. Besides, wives were deprived of any inheritance rights. These iniquitous laws survived till late in the last century. 46
Among the pagan Arabs before Islam, inheritance rights were confined exclusively to the male relatives. The Quran abolished all these unjust customs and gave all the female relatives inheritance shares:
"From what is left by parents and those nearest related there is a share for men and a share for women, whether the property be small or large --a determinate share" (Quran 4:7).
Muslim mothers, wives, daughters, and sisters had received inheritance rights thirteen hundred years before Europe recognized that these rights even existed. The division of inheritance is a vast subject with an enormous amount of details (Quran 4:7,11,12,176). The general rule is that the female share is half the male's except the cases in which the mother receives equal share to that of the father. This general rule if taken in isolation from other legislations concerning men and women may seem unfair. In order to understand the rationale behind this rule, one must take into account the fact that the financial obligations of men in Islam far exceed those of women (see the "Wife's property?" section). A bridegroom must provide his bride with a marriage gift. This gift becomes her exclusive property and remains so even if she is later divorced. The bride is under no obligation to present any gifts to her groom. Moreover, the Muslim husband is charged with the maintenance of his wife and children. The wife, on the other hand, is not obliged to help him in this regard. Her property and earnings are for her use alone except what she may voluntarily offer her husband. Besides, one has to realize that Islam vehemently advocates family life. It strongly encourages youth to get married, discourages divorce, and does not regard celibacy as a virtue. Therefore, in a truly Islamic society, family life is the norm and single life is the rare exception. That is, almost all marriage-aged women and men are married in an Islamic society. In light of these facts, one would appreciate that Muslim men, in general, have greater financial burdens than Muslim women and thus inheritance rules are meant to offset this imbalance so that the society lives free of all gender or class wars. After a simple comparison between the financial rights and duties of Muslim women, one British Muslim woman has concluded that Islam has treated women not only fairly but generously.
MOTHERS ?
MOTHERS ?
The Old Testament in several places commands kind and considerate treatment of the parents and condemns those who dishonor them. For example, "If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death" (Lev. 20:9) and"A wise man brings joy to his father but a foolish man despises his mother" (Proverbs 15:20). Although honoring the father alone is mentioned in some places, e.g. "A wise man heeds his father's instruction" (Proverbs 13:1), the mother alone is never mentioned. Moreover, there is no special emphasis on treating the mother kindly as a sign of appreciation of her great suffering in childbearing and suckling. Besides, mothers do not inherit at all from their children while fathers do. 42
It is difficult to speak of the New Testament as a scripture that calls for honoring the mother. To the contrary, one gets the impression that the New Testament considers kind treatment of mothers as an impediment on the way to God. According to the New Testament, one cannot become a good Christian worthy of becoming a disciple of Christ unless he hates his mother. It is attributed to Jesus to have said:
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he can not be my disciple" (Luke 14:26).
Furthermore, the New Testament depicts a picture of Jesus as indifferent to, or even disrespectful of, his own mother. For example, when she had come looking for him while he was preaching to a crowd, he did not care to go out to see her:
"Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone to call him. A crowd was sitting around him and they told him, 'Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.' 'Who are my mother and my brothers?' he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said,' Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother.' " (Mark 3:31-35)
One might argue that Jesus was trying to teach his audience an important lesson that religious ties are no less important than family ties. However, he could have taught his listeners the same lesson without showing such absolute indifference to his mother. The same disrespectful attitude is depicted when he refused to endorse a statement made by a member of his audience blessing his mother's role in giving birth to him and nursing him:
"As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, 'Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.' He replied, 'Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.' " (Luke 11:27-28)
If a mother with the stature of the virgin Mary had been treated with such discourtesy, as depicted in the New Testament, by a son of the stature of Jesus Christ, then how should an average Christian mother be treated by her average Christian sons?
In Islam, the honor, respect, and esteem attached to motherhood is unparalleled. The Quran places the importance of kindness to parents as second only to worshipping God Almighty:
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, And that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, Say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, But address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, Lower to them the wing of humility, and say: 'My Lord! bestow on them Your Mercy as they Cherished me in childhood' " (Quran 17:23-24).
The Quran in several other places puts special emphasis on the mother's great role in giving birth and nursing:
"And We have enjoined on man to be good to his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to your parents" (Quran 31:14).
The very special place of mothers in Islam has been eloquently described by Prophet Muhammad:
"A man asked the Prophet: 'Whom should I honor most?' The Prophet replied: 'Your mother'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. The Prophet replied: 'Your mother'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. The Prophet replied: 'Your mother!'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. The Prophet replied: 'Your father'" (Bukhari and Muslim).
Among the few precepts of Islam which Muslims still faithfully observe to the present day is the considerate treatment of mothers. The honor that Muslim mothers receive from their sons and daughters is exemplary. The intensely warm relations between Muslim mothers and their children and the deep respect with which Muslim men approach their mothers usually amaze Westerners. 43
The Old Testament in several places commands kind and considerate treatment of the parents and condemns those who dishonor them. For example, "If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death" (Lev. 20:9) and"A wise man brings joy to his father but a foolish man despises his mother" (Proverbs 15:20). Although honoring the father alone is mentioned in some places, e.g. "A wise man heeds his father's instruction" (Proverbs 13:1), the mother alone is never mentioned. Moreover, there is no special emphasis on treating the mother kindly as a sign of appreciation of her great suffering in childbearing and suckling. Besides, mothers do not inherit at all from their children while fathers do. 42
It is difficult to speak of the New Testament as a scripture that calls for honoring the mother. To the contrary, one gets the impression that the New Testament considers kind treatment of mothers as an impediment on the way to God. According to the New Testament, one cannot become a good Christian worthy of becoming a disciple of Christ unless he hates his mother. It is attributed to Jesus to have said:
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he can not be my disciple" (Luke 14:26).
Furthermore, the New Testament depicts a picture of Jesus as indifferent to, or even disrespectful of, his own mother. For example, when she had come looking for him while he was preaching to a crowd, he did not care to go out to see her:
"Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone to call him. A crowd was sitting around him and they told him, 'Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.' 'Who are my mother and my brothers?' he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said,' Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother.' " (Mark 3:31-35)
One might argue that Jesus was trying to teach his audience an important lesson that religious ties are no less important than family ties. However, he could have taught his listeners the same lesson without showing such absolute indifference to his mother. The same disrespectful attitude is depicted when he refused to endorse a statement made by a member of his audience blessing his mother's role in giving birth to him and nursing him:
"As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, 'Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.' He replied, 'Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.' " (Luke 11:27-28)
If a mother with the stature of the virgin Mary had been treated with such discourtesy, as depicted in the New Testament, by a son of the stature of Jesus Christ, then how should an average Christian mother be treated by her average Christian sons?
In Islam, the honor, respect, and esteem attached to motherhood is unparalleled. The Quran places the importance of kindness to parents as second only to worshipping God Almighty:
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, And that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, Say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, But address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, Lower to them the wing of humility, and say: 'My Lord! bestow on them Your Mercy as they Cherished me in childhood' " (Quran 17:23-24).
The Quran in several other places puts special emphasis on the mother's great role in giving birth and nursing:
"And We have enjoined on man to be good to his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to your parents" (Quran 31:14).
The very special place of mothers in Islam has been eloquently described by Prophet Muhammad:
"A man asked the Prophet: 'Whom should I honor most?' The Prophet replied: 'Your mother'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. The Prophet replied: 'Your mother'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. The Prophet replied: 'Your mother!'. 'And who comes next?' asked the man. The Prophet replied: 'Your father'" (Bukhari and Muslim).
Among the few precepts of Islam which Muslims still faithfully observe to the present day is the considerate treatment of mothers. The honor that Muslim mothers receive from their sons and daughters is exemplary. The intensely warm relations between Muslim mothers and their children and the deep respect with which Muslim men approach their mothers usually amaze Westerners. 43
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Muslims are violent, terrorists and/or extremists.
MISCONCEPTION #1:
Muslims are violent, terrorists and/or extremists.
This is the biggest misconception in Islam, no doubt resulting from
the constant stereotyping and bashing the media gives Islam. When a
gunman attacks a mosque in the name of Judaism, a Catholic IRA
guerrilla sets off a bomb in an urban area, or Serbian Orthodox
militiamen rape and kill innocent Muslim civilians, these acts are not
used to stereotype an entire faith. Never are these acts attributed
to the religion of the perpetrators. Yet how many times have we heard
the words 'Islamic, Muslim fundamentalist. etc.' linked with violence.
Politics in so called "Muslim countries" may or may not have any
Islamic basis. Often dictators and politicians will use the name of
Islam for their own purposes. One should remember to go to the source
of Islam and separate what the true religion of Islam says from what
is portrayed in the media. Islam literally means 'submission to God'
and is derived from a root word meaning 'peace'.
Islam may seem exotic or even extreme in the modern world. Perhaps
this is because religion doesn't dominate everyday life in the West,
whereas Islam is considered a 'way of life' for Muslims and they make
no division between secular and sacred in their lives. Like
Christianity, Islam permits fighting in self-defense, in defense of
religion, or on the part of those who have been expelled forcibly
from their homes. It lays down strict rules of combat which include
prohibitions against harming civilians and against destroying crops,
trees and livestock.
NOWHERE DOES ISLAM ENJOIN THE KILLING OF INNOCENTS.. The Quran says:
"Fight in the cause of God against those who fight you, but do not
transgress limits. God does not love transgressors." (Quran 2:190)
"If they seek peace, then seek you peace. And trust in God for He is
the One that heareth and knoweth all things." (Quran 8:61) War,
therefore, is the last resort, and is subject to the rigorous
conditions laid down by the sacred law. The term 'jihad' literally
means 'struggle'. Muslims believe that there are two kinds of jihad.
The other 'jihad' is the inner struggle of the soul which everyone
wages against egotistic desires for the sake of attaining inner
peace.
Muslims are violent, terrorists and/or extremists.
This is the biggest misconception in Islam, no doubt resulting from
the constant stereotyping and bashing the media gives Islam. When a
gunman attacks a mosque in the name of Judaism, a Catholic IRA
guerrilla sets off a bomb in an urban area, or Serbian Orthodox
militiamen rape and kill innocent Muslim civilians, these acts are not
used to stereotype an entire faith. Never are these acts attributed
to the religion of the perpetrators. Yet how many times have we heard
the words 'Islamic, Muslim fundamentalist. etc.' linked with violence.
Politics in so called "Muslim countries" may or may not have any
Islamic basis. Often dictators and politicians will use the name of
Islam for their own purposes. One should remember to go to the source
of Islam and separate what the true religion of Islam says from what
is portrayed in the media. Islam literally means 'submission to God'
and is derived from a root word meaning 'peace'.
Islam may seem exotic or even extreme in the modern world. Perhaps
this is because religion doesn't dominate everyday life in the West,
whereas Islam is considered a 'way of life' for Muslims and they make
no division between secular and sacred in their lives. Like
Christianity, Islam permits fighting in self-defense, in defense of
religion, or on the part of those who have been expelled forcibly
from their homes. It lays down strict rules of combat which include
prohibitions against harming civilians and against destroying crops,
trees and livestock.
NOWHERE DOES ISLAM ENJOIN THE KILLING OF INNOCENTS.. The Quran says:
"Fight in the cause of God against those who fight you, but do not
transgress limits. God does not love transgressors." (Quran 2:190)
"If they seek peace, then seek you peace. And trust in God for He is
the One that heareth and knoweth all things." (Quran 8:61) War,
therefore, is the last resort, and is subject to the rigorous
conditions laid down by the sacred law. The term 'jihad' literally
means 'struggle'. Muslims believe that there are two kinds of jihad.
The other 'jihad' is the inner struggle of the soul which everyone
wages against egotistic desires for the sake of attaining inner
peace.
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Women and the Hijab
Dear Sister / Brother,
Here is an Article which was written by 17 Years old Muslim Sister about her hijab .. It’s really wonderful .. I hope that this will help you in sha Allah ..
I probably do not fit into the preconceived notion of a “rebel”.
I have no visible tattoos and minimal piercing. I do not possess a leather jacket. In fact, when most people look at me, their first thought usually is something along the lines of “oppressed female.”
The brave individuals who have mustered the courage to ask me about the way I dress usually have questions like: ” Do your parents make you wear that?” or ” Don’t you find that really unfair?”
A while back, a couple of girls in Montreal were kicked out of school for dressing like I do. It seems strange that a little piece of cloth would make for such controversy. Perhaps the fear is that I am harbouring an Uzi underneath it. You never can tell with those Muslim fundamentalists.
Of course, the issue at hand is more than a mere piece of cloth. I am a Muslim woman who, like millions of other Muslim women across the globe, chooses to wear the hijab. There are many different ways to wear it, but in essence, what we do is cover our entire bodies except for our hands and faces.
If you’re the kind of person who has watched a lot of popular movies, you’d probably think of harem girls and belly-dancers, women who are kept in seclusion except for the private pleasure of their male masters. In the true Islamic faith, nothing could be further from the truth. And the concept of the hijab, contrary to popular opinion, is actually one of the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment.
When I cover myself, I make it virtually impossible for people to judge me according to the way I look. I cannot be categorised because of my attractiveness or lack thereof. Compare this to life in today’s
society: We are constantly sizing one another up on the basis of our clothing, jewellery, hair and makeup. What kind of depth can there be in a world like this?
Yes, I have a body, a physical manifestation upon this Earth. But it is the vessel of an intelligent mind and a strong spirit. It is not for the beholder to leer at or to use in advertisements to sell everything
from beer to cars. Because of the superficiality of the world in which we live, external appearances are so stressed that the value of the individual counts foralmost nothing.
It is a myth that women in today’s society are liberated. What kind of freedom can there be when a woman cannot walk down the street without every aspect of her physical self being “checked out”?
When I wear the hijab I feel safe from all of this. I can rest assured that no one is looking at me and making assumptions about my character from the length of my skirt. There is a barrier between me and those who would exploit me. I am first and foremost a human being, equal to any man, and not vulnerable because of my sexuality.
One of the saddest truths of our time is the question of the beauty myth and female self-image. Reading popular teenage magazines, you can instantly find out what kind of body image is “in” or “out.” And if you have the “wrong” body type, well, then, you’re just going to have to change it, aren’t you? After all, there is no way that you can be overweight and still be beautiful.
Look at any advertisement. Is a woman being used to sell the product? How old is she? How attractive is she? What is she wearing? More often than not, that woman will be no older than her early 20s, taller, slimmer and more attractive than average, dressed in skimpy clothing.
Why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated like this? Whether the ’90s woman wishes to believe it or not, she is being forced into a mould. She is being coerced into selling herself, into compromising herself. This is why we have 13-year-old girls sticking their fingers down their throats andoverweight adolescents hanging themselves.
When people ask me if I feel oppressed, I can honestly say no. I made this decision out of my own free will. I like the fact that I am taking control of the way other people perceive me. I enjoy the fact that I don’t give anyone anything to look at and that I have released myself from the bondage of the swinging pendulum of the fashion industry and other institutions that exploit females.
My body is my own business. Nobody can tell me how I should look or whether or not I am beautiful. I know that there is more to me than that. I am also able to say no comfortably when people ask me if I feel as though my sexuality is being repressed. I have taken control of my sexuality.
I am thankful I will never have to suffer the fate of trying to lose/gain weight or trying to find the exact lipstick shade that will go with my skin colour. I have made choices about what my priorities are and these are not among them.
So next time you see me, don’t look at me sympathetically. I am not under duress or a male-worshipping female captive from those barbarous Arabic deserts. I’ve been liberated.
* Author : Sultana Yusufali, 17 years old, Toronto high school student
Here is an Article which was written by 17 Years old Muslim Sister about her hijab .. It’s really wonderful .. I hope that this will help you in sha Allah ..
I probably do not fit into the preconceived notion of a “rebel”.
I have no visible tattoos and minimal piercing. I do not possess a leather jacket. In fact, when most people look at me, their first thought usually is something along the lines of “oppressed female.”
The brave individuals who have mustered the courage to ask me about the way I dress usually have questions like: ” Do your parents make you wear that?” or ” Don’t you find that really unfair?”
A while back, a couple of girls in Montreal were kicked out of school for dressing like I do. It seems strange that a little piece of cloth would make for such controversy. Perhaps the fear is that I am harbouring an Uzi underneath it. You never can tell with those Muslim fundamentalists.
Of course, the issue at hand is more than a mere piece of cloth. I am a Muslim woman who, like millions of other Muslim women across the globe, chooses to wear the hijab. There are many different ways to wear it, but in essence, what we do is cover our entire bodies except for our hands and faces.
If you’re the kind of person who has watched a lot of popular movies, you’d probably think of harem girls and belly-dancers, women who are kept in seclusion except for the private pleasure of their male masters. In the true Islamic faith, nothing could be further from the truth. And the concept of the hijab, contrary to popular opinion, is actually one of the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment.
When I cover myself, I make it virtually impossible for people to judge me according to the way I look. I cannot be categorised because of my attractiveness or lack thereof. Compare this to life in today’s
society: We are constantly sizing one another up on the basis of our clothing, jewellery, hair and makeup. What kind of depth can there be in a world like this?
Yes, I have a body, a physical manifestation upon this Earth. But it is the vessel of an intelligent mind and a strong spirit. It is not for the beholder to leer at or to use in advertisements to sell everything
from beer to cars. Because of the superficiality of the world in which we live, external appearances are so stressed that the value of the individual counts foralmost nothing.
It is a myth that women in today’s society are liberated. What kind of freedom can there be when a woman cannot walk down the street without every aspect of her physical self being “checked out”?
When I wear the hijab I feel safe from all of this. I can rest assured that no one is looking at me and making assumptions about my character from the length of my skirt. There is a barrier between me and those who would exploit me. I am first and foremost a human being, equal to any man, and not vulnerable because of my sexuality.
One of the saddest truths of our time is the question of the beauty myth and female self-image. Reading popular teenage magazines, you can instantly find out what kind of body image is “in” or “out.” And if you have the “wrong” body type, well, then, you’re just going to have to change it, aren’t you? After all, there is no way that you can be overweight and still be beautiful.
Look at any advertisement. Is a woman being used to sell the product? How old is she? How attractive is she? What is she wearing? More often than not, that woman will be no older than her early 20s, taller, slimmer and more attractive than average, dressed in skimpy clothing.
Why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated like this? Whether the ’90s woman wishes to believe it or not, she is being forced into a mould. She is being coerced into selling herself, into compromising herself. This is why we have 13-year-old girls sticking their fingers down their throats andoverweight adolescents hanging themselves.
When people ask me if I feel oppressed, I can honestly say no. I made this decision out of my own free will. I like the fact that I am taking control of the way other people perceive me. I enjoy the fact that I don’t give anyone anything to look at and that I have released myself from the bondage of the swinging pendulum of the fashion industry and other institutions that exploit females.
My body is my own business. Nobody can tell me how I should look or whether or not I am beautiful. I know that there is more to me than that. I am also able to say no comfortably when people ask me if I feel as though my sexuality is being repressed. I have taken control of my sexuality.
I am thankful I will never have to suffer the fate of trying to lose/gain weight or trying to find the exact lipstick shade that will go with my skin colour. I have made choices about what my priorities are and these are not among them.
So next time you see me, don’t look at me sympathetically. I am not under duress or a male-worshipping female captive from those barbarous Arabic deserts. I’ve been liberated.
* Author : Sultana Yusufali, 17 years old, Toronto high school student
MARRIAGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND NON-MUSLIMS
MARRIAGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND NON-MUSLIMS
by Arif Khan asklogic @ yahoo.com
In following discussion I will attempt to address the issues
invloved in a Muslim marrying a non-Muslim. I will first discuss
the matter in the light of religious laws and the opinions of
scholars.
Then I will discuss the social aspects of family life and
children in an inter-faith marriage. The ideas in this part are
based on my and my friends' personal experiences in inter-faith
marriages and may be at VERY odds with your experiences or views
on this matter.
Readers are encouraged to indicate any mistakes that I make here
regarding Islamic laws and teachings.
Note: References are provided at the end of this article.
--------------------------------------------------------------
CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM: There are several passages and
verses in The Holy Qur'an regarding marriage
and family that encourage Muslims to be married, if possible.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has even said that when a Muslim
marries, he has fulfilled half of the religious devotion and
duties and then he should take care of other half by being
God-minded and aware of his obligations. [1]
Marraige is considered a religious duty in Islam and is enjoined
upon all believers who can afford it. It provides a moral
safeguard and legal means to develop relationship with the
opposite sex and to extend the family. It is both solemn and
sacred above physical terms. It is not only a contract between
two persons committing themselves to eachother but it is a
contract to which God Almighty is made the first Witness. It is
made with every intention of making it permanent to the eternal
success. Celibacy is NOT recommended either for Muslim men or
women.
"The motivating cause of union - matrimonial and carnal -
between the spouses is said to be love. This is a Qur'anic
thesis that affirms the primacy of love as the cause of
marriage, not simple reproduction. Nevertheless, the religious
authorities, almost unanimously, interpret marriage as primarily
reproductive in nature and as a means of perpetuating the
species.
.....Islam views the carnal act as not merely the source of
pleasure but
also of as a source of "barakah" means that sexuality has
apositive conotations and is not associated with sin,.."[2]
The following issues must be observed when a marriage based on
Islamic priciples is desired[3]:
- Both parties should get familiarized sincerely with eachother
without getting involved in immoral acts or crossing boundaries
set by Islamic moral teachings. No party should attempt to
deceive the other in this process.
- Woman should be chosen on the basis of their permanent values,
such as, high morals, religious devotion, and not merely on her
attractiveness or other mudane wealths. The Prophet is reported
to have said that a woman is ordinarily sought as wife for her
wealth, for her beauty, for the nobility of her stock, or for
her religios qualities; but blessed and fortunate is he who
chooses his mate for piety in preference to everything else. [4]
- Woman is encouraged to judge whether the man is actually
worthy of her respect, love and capable of providing her
happiness in the whole life. She should consider if her
marriage to the man will be allow her to fulfill the duties of a
wife wholeheartedly.
- Woman has a right to demand dowry (gift) from the man that she
feel comfortable with. The man should meet her demands to show
his willingness to undertake to responsibilities of married life
and his readiness and capability to fulfill her justified
needs.
- The consent of both man and woman is necessary condition for
the marriage without which the marriage is not valid.
- The marraige ceremony should be made as publicly known as
possible and should be celebrated in a joyful manner.
- The marriage ceremony should be held before atleast two adult
witnesses from the community and should be registered in
official documents.
- The maintenance of the wife and family is husband's duty. The
marriage entitles her with these rights and imposes certain
obligations upon both parties. Any property which belongs to her
before or during the marriage, the man has no right to the
wife's property during or after the marriage. This issue
relieves the marriage of certain materialistic objectives and
ensures the bond remain noble and beyond mundane greed.
The role of husband demands him to be bound by the promise to
God to be kind and patient toward her; to keep her honorably in
the marriage or otherwise free her from the martial bond
honorably.[ Ref. Surah 2:229-232; 4:19]
The wife is expected to work toward the happiness and comfort of
her family. Wife must be sincere toward the family and honest
and loyal to her husband. She should not deliberately avoid
conception against her husband's will [1]. Both spouses should
keep eachother's honor and protect and gratify eachother with
love.
When a marriage based on Islamic principles has irreconcilable
differences or irreparable damage done to the mutual trust, then
as a last resort to make the distasteful marriage end, divorce
is applicable. Divorce has been defined by the Prophet as the
most detestable of all lawful things in the sight of God
Almighty. Scholars believe a final course must be followed
before a divorce is made final[5]:
- Both parties involved should try to reconcile the difference,
settle the disputes and solve the problems within themselves. -
If they fail to come to an agreement and solve their problems,
then a
person from husband's relations and the other one from wife's
should arbitrate the situation. - If both attempts fail and
both parties agree, divorce can be applied. - If after a
divorce, a reunion occurs, it will be regarded as a fresh
marriage. However, there can be no more than two reunions. The
third divorce is a final one. In that case, the only
possibility is that the woman need to marry another man after
"iddat" (varies from 3-12 monthly periods for diff. opinions;
See Surah 2:228), consummate the marriage and get divorced and
remarry the first husband again after "iddat." (See 2:30). It
allows a man to be thoughtful and composed in such serious
matters and the marriage with another man allows a woman to
evaluate if there are other men better than her first husband
that she would like to be married. There is no compulsion in
her getting divorced from the second husband, if she likes him
better than the first one. [See also 2:224-232; 4:34-35;
4:127-130]
Some relatives that cannot be joined in a marriage are described
in Surah Nisaa 4:22-24.
The following are the positions of scholars and Islamic laws on
marriages bewteen Muslims and non-Muslims:
MUSLIM WOMAN AND NON-MUSLIM MAN:
..... And give not (your daughters) in marriage to
Al-Mushrikun** till they
believe in Allah alone and verily a believing slave is better
than a (free) Mushrik, even though he pleases you....[2:221] **
Al-Mushrikun=>Pagans, idolators, polytheist and disbelievers in
the Oneness of Allah and in His messanger Prophet Muhammad SAW)
- [[6]]
Islam considers the husband head-of-the-family and therefore
requires that a Muslima cannot marry a non-Muslim because she
will be under the authority of a non-muslim husband. He may
prevent her from carrying out her religious obligations by
either pressuring her or physically abusing her. But it is not
the sole reason for imposing the restriction. The situation is
considered very damaging for the woman to practise Islam
afterwards and even worse for the kids in such marriages. There
are NO conditions mentioned under which a Muslim woman IS
allowed to get married or remain married to a non-Muslim husband
after she has accepted Islam. Therefore, even if she has freedom
to practise Islam after marriage, she is NOT allowed to enter
into an inter-faith marriage.
MUSLIM MAN AND NON-MUSLIM WOMAN:
MARRIAGE WITH CHRISTIANS AND JEWS: The marriages between Muslim
men and CERTAIN non-Muslim women is allowed. However, certain
restricitions exist on such marriages, especially if they occur
in non-Muslim lands where Islamic law and religion is not
prevailing.
Here I am translating the "fatwaa" from Maulana Muhammad Yousuf
Ludhianvi, a well-known Muslim scholar from Pakistan, answering
a question regarding the shar'aii position of marriages in the
US with non-Muslim women. This question was asked by a Pakistani
Muslim, living in the US, and it appeared in Maulana's column
that is published every Friday in a daily newspaper, "Jang". He
interprets the Islamic law as following:
/******* 1- Non-Muslim women, to whom Muslim men can marry, are
the women from Christian and Jewish religions who are residents
of "Daar-ul-Islam****" nations where Islamic law prevails) and
who are thereby called, "Dhi'mmi" (those who give Jazzia instead
of Zakaat in an Islamic state??), but NOT the residents of "dar
al-kufr" (where the kuffar or non-Islamic rule exist). To these
women, marriage is allowed but is "mukrooh tanzihi." (I can't
translate it properly)
2- With Christian or Jewish women, who are resident of "dar
a-harb"****, the nikah (the marriage contract) will be valid,
but will be a "mukrooh Tahrimi" (worse than tanzihi) situation.
The act which is "mukrooh tarhimi" is so close to "haraam" (not
permissible at all) that it is ALMOST "haraam" and is "na'jaiz"
ie. not legal. The man involved will be responsible for
committing an act which is so close to a state of "sin".
**** Victor Danner describes "Dar al-Islam" as : the
House of Islam, or the Islamic world; the Islamic
community, where submission to the Divine Will reigns;
Opposed to dar- al-harb ( the non-Islamic community)
3- It is required that the women should be practising their
religion at the time of marriage and they are not practically
"Mulhid" (atheist). To any women, who doesn't believe in God,
religion, God's message and doesn't practise any religion at
all, the "nikaah" (marriage) will be INVALID and according to
"shari'ah" (Islamic Law), such a couple is involved in sin.
4- If any Muslim marries a woman from "People of the Books", the
children, by shar'iah (Islamic law) are considered to be Muslim.
For instance, often, in "dar al-harb," the kids adopt the
religion of their mother; and, sometimes, a marriage is arranged
upon agreements between the couples that half of kids will adopt
mother's and the other half will follow father's religion. If a
Muslim man agrees to ANY of such terms accepting the kids to be
raised non-Muslims, the person will be regarded as a "Murtid"
(the one who has denied Islam) because he has allowed his kids
to become "kaafir" who may have been brought up in Islamic
religion. Anyone who willingly and knowingly allows/agrees for
his kids to become "kaafir" is regarded as "kaafir." He is out
of the Islamic circle. If he had any Muslim woman in his
"nikaah" before this marriage, the Muslim woman is free from his
bond (because a Muslim woman can't remain married a
non-Muslim).
5- Since some of our naive Muslim youngmen, living in the West,
get married to the christian women in their countries. And
since, usually, the local courts allow the women to get the
custody of kids and the divorce settlement in their favor, our
youngmen are "khusar al-duniyaa wal'-aakhiraah", means the
wanderer or lost in this world and the Hereafter. Since,
according to sharia'ah, the "al-maa'roof ka'almashrrot", meaning
whatever is prevailing or common practise in the society is
being accepted in a marriage contract. It means a Muslim man,
by getting married under these circumstances in these countries,
is knowingly agreeing that the woman may, in case of divorce,
gets the custody of the kids and is free to raise them
afterwards as she pleases.
6- For all the above stated reasons, in non-Muslim countries, it
is not allowed for Muslim youngmen to marry Christian women. For
the reason #3 (woman not practising a religion), the "nikaah"
isn't even valid. Since the reason #4, leads to "kufr" and he
becomes "murtid", the marriage to any Muslim wife becomes
invalid. The reason #5 is not apllicable, if the local laws do
not usually grant custody to woman or if Muslim man hasn't
agreed to any "kufriaah" terms (such as accepting some kids to
be raised as non-Muslims). "Haaza ma' indee, wal'Allah ilm
bis'swaab." *******/
As it is clear, that Maulana Yousuf's position is extremely
strict on the issue of getting married to non-Muslim women in
the West. But so is the seriousness of such situations. A
scholar at Dar ul-Noor hifz school and Al-Farooq Masjid,
Atlanta, Dr. Abdul Ghaffar, recommends that if a Muslim is
already married to a non-Muslima, he should REMAIN married to
her. He should be kind and passionate to her and facilitate her
understand of true Islam. He should reflect Islam in his
character and encourage her to become Muslim voluntarily before
kids are born into such marriage. At that time, I found out the
Al-Farooq Masjid doesn't even administer ANY inter-faith
marriages.
The best option under these circumstances is to introduce the
woman to Islam and WAIT for her to accept Islam before getting
married. Imposing any firm conditions of her accepting Islam
before marriage will NOT do any good. Because, if a woman is
willing to accept Islam merely to get married to a Muslim man
that she likes, she will be most likely to leave Islam if the
marriage ends up in a divorce or even if the marriage becomes
unpleasant for her.
It should be desireable that a woman accepts Islam solely for
the reason that she likes Islam. Any forceful acceptance of
Islam is not likely to be permanent nor very suitable for a
happy marriage. If the woman is not a Muslim by her own choice,
then in case of divorce, she may leave Islam and be free to date
and marry a non-Muslim. Her new family may ultimately decide how
to raise the Muslim man's children. This situation should never
be acceptable to any Muslim man.
MARRIAGE WITH KUFFARS:
Marriages between Muslims and atheists are not permissible at
all. In such cases, the man or woman should accept Islam before
entering into a shar'ai legal "nikaah."
And do not marry Al-Mushrikats {idolatress, etc.} till they
believe (worship Allah alone). And indeed a slave woman is
better than a (free) Mushrikah {idolatress, etc.}, even though
she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to
Al-Mushrikun** till they believe in Allah alone and verily a
believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik, even though he
pleases you. Those Al-Mushrikun invite you to the Fire {Al
naar}, but Allah invites you to the Paradise and Forgiveness by
His Leave, and makes His Ayaat {proofs, evidences, lessons,
verses, signs, etc.} clear to mankind that they may remember.
[Surah 2:221] [[6]]
"...... (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste
women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of
the Book revealed before your time, when you give them their due
dowries, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor sectret
intrigues. If anyone rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and
in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost
(all the spritual good)." [Surah 5:5] <<< See the following two
notes >>>
# A note[7] following the above passage further describes that
a Muslim man can marry a woman from their ranks on same terms as
he would marry a Muslim woman, i.e. he must give her an economic
and moral status, and must not actuate merely by motives of lust
and physical desires. A Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim
primarily because her religious affiliation and duties will be
affected by the authority of her husband. A non-Muslim woman
marrying a Muslim man are expected to eventually accept Islam.
Any man or woman, from any race or faith, upon ACCEPTING Islam
can freely marry any Muslim, man or woman, provided the
objective is purity and chasteness and not lewdness.
____________________________________________________________________________
## In the above verse, "People of Books" refers to the
"followers" of the religions who received God's message in the
form of teachings by Prophet Moses (AS) and Prophet Jesus (AS)
before Islam. However, the term "people of Books" by no mean
refers to the present Torah or Pentateuch or The Bible which
were written by various authors decades and centuries after
their respective Prophets. The term "Books" therefore does NOT
affirm in any manner the validity of the present Bible
(canonized in 325 AC) or Torah (written over an uncertain period
est. 1500-1350 BCE??) as God's message as their followers
vehemently argue and would like Muslims to take the term "Book"
for their Bible or Torah. The following note by Abdullah Yousuf
Ali is worth mentioning here:
Note #390: ...The Original Gospel (see Surah 3:48 below) was not
the various stories written afterwards by disciples***, but the
real message taught directly by Jesus (AS). *** St Paul, author
of almost half of the New Testament and the one annuling Mosaic
law, and Luke, to whom "Gospel According to Luke" is attributed,
were not even among the original 12 disciples.
"And Allah will teach him (Jesus (AS)) The Book and Wisdom, The
Law and the Gospel." [Surah 3:48]
[This clearly indicate to THE Gospel given to Jesus (AS) and
not to the Council of Nicaea which decided, in 325AC, by
vote, what The Bible canon should be comprised of .]
"There is among them a section who distort the book with
tongues; (As they read) you would think it is part of the Book,
But it is no part of Book; and they say, "That is from Allah,"
But it is they who tell a lie against Allah, and (well) they
know it!" [Surah 3:78]
Note: Much has been already said on this topic on s.r.i.
_______________________________________________________________________
MARRIAGE WITH JEWS: According to Jews, a Jewish Mother gives
birth to a Jew. As one of my friend tells, this issue has caused
problems especially in Israel where a woman who married a Muslim
man was exhorted by Jews and ultimately she accepted Islam to
avoid the pressure on her family. All the rules that apply to
christian women, so apply here as well.
__________________________________________________________________
[1] Hammudah Abdalati, "Islam in Focus", pg. 114, American
Trust
Publications, Indiana. [2] Victor Danner, "The
Islamic Tradition: An Introduction", pp.130,
Amity House, New York. [3] [1] pp. 179. [4]
[1] pp. 115. [5] [1] pp. 180 [6] "The Holy Qur'an:
Interpretation of the Meaning of The Noble
Qur'an in the English Language" A summarized version of
At-Tabari, Al-Qurtubi, and Ibn Kathir with comments from
Shahih Al Bukhari. By Dr. Muhammad Mohsin Khan & Dr.
Muhammad Taqi-Ud-Din Al-Hilali, 1993, Islamic
University, Al-Madina Al-Munawwara, Maktaba
Dar-Us-Salaam, Riyadh, KSA. Phone:4033962, Fax:4021659.
[7] A Yusuf Ali, "The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and
commentary",
Sh. Muhammad Ashraf Ali Publishers and Booksellers,
Lahore, Pakistan. 1939
by Arif Khan asklogic @ yahoo.com
In following discussion I will attempt to address the issues
invloved in a Muslim marrying a non-Muslim. I will first discuss
the matter in the light of religious laws and the opinions of
scholars.
Then I will discuss the social aspects of family life and
children in an inter-faith marriage. The ideas in this part are
based on my and my friends' personal experiences in inter-faith
marriages and may be at VERY odds with your experiences or views
on this matter.
Readers are encouraged to indicate any mistakes that I make here
regarding Islamic laws and teachings.
Note: References are provided at the end of this article.
--------------------------------------------------------------
CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM: There are several passages and
verses in The Holy Qur'an regarding marriage
and family that encourage Muslims to be married, if possible.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has even said that when a Muslim
marries, he has fulfilled half of the religious devotion and
duties and then he should take care of other half by being
God-minded and aware of his obligations. [1]
Marraige is considered a religious duty in Islam and is enjoined
upon all believers who can afford it. It provides a moral
safeguard and legal means to develop relationship with the
opposite sex and to extend the family. It is both solemn and
sacred above physical terms. It is not only a contract between
two persons committing themselves to eachother but it is a
contract to which God Almighty is made the first Witness. It is
made with every intention of making it permanent to the eternal
success. Celibacy is NOT recommended either for Muslim men or
women.
"The motivating cause of union - matrimonial and carnal -
between the spouses is said to be love. This is a Qur'anic
thesis that affirms the primacy of love as the cause of
marriage, not simple reproduction. Nevertheless, the religious
authorities, almost unanimously, interpret marriage as primarily
reproductive in nature and as a means of perpetuating the
species.
.....Islam views the carnal act as not merely the source of
pleasure but
also of as a source of "barakah" means that sexuality has
apositive conotations and is not associated with sin,.."[2]
The following issues must be observed when a marriage based on
Islamic priciples is desired[3]:
- Both parties should get familiarized sincerely with eachother
without getting involved in immoral acts or crossing boundaries
set by Islamic moral teachings. No party should attempt to
deceive the other in this process.
- Woman should be chosen on the basis of their permanent values,
such as, high morals, religious devotion, and not merely on her
attractiveness or other mudane wealths. The Prophet is reported
to have said that a woman is ordinarily sought as wife for her
wealth, for her beauty, for the nobility of her stock, or for
her religios qualities; but blessed and fortunate is he who
chooses his mate for piety in preference to everything else. [4]
- Woman is encouraged to judge whether the man is actually
worthy of her respect, love and capable of providing her
happiness in the whole life. She should consider if her
marriage to the man will be allow her to fulfill the duties of a
wife wholeheartedly.
- Woman has a right to demand dowry (gift) from the man that she
feel comfortable with. The man should meet her demands to show
his willingness to undertake to responsibilities of married life
and his readiness and capability to fulfill her justified
needs.
- The consent of both man and woman is necessary condition for
the marriage without which the marriage is not valid.
- The marraige ceremony should be made as publicly known as
possible and should be celebrated in a joyful manner.
- The marriage ceremony should be held before atleast two adult
witnesses from the community and should be registered in
official documents.
- The maintenance of the wife and family is husband's duty. The
marriage entitles her with these rights and imposes certain
obligations upon both parties. Any property which belongs to her
before or during the marriage, the man has no right to the
wife's property during or after the marriage. This issue
relieves the marriage of certain materialistic objectives and
ensures the bond remain noble and beyond mundane greed.
The role of husband demands him to be bound by the promise to
God to be kind and patient toward her; to keep her honorably in
the marriage or otherwise free her from the martial bond
honorably.[ Ref. Surah 2:229-232; 4:19]
The wife is expected to work toward the happiness and comfort of
her family. Wife must be sincere toward the family and honest
and loyal to her husband. She should not deliberately avoid
conception against her husband's will [1]. Both spouses should
keep eachother's honor and protect and gratify eachother with
love.
When a marriage based on Islamic principles has irreconcilable
differences or irreparable damage done to the mutual trust, then
as a last resort to make the distasteful marriage end, divorce
is applicable. Divorce has been defined by the Prophet as the
most detestable of all lawful things in the sight of God
Almighty. Scholars believe a final course must be followed
before a divorce is made final[5]:
- Both parties involved should try to reconcile the difference,
settle the disputes and solve the problems within themselves. -
If they fail to come to an agreement and solve their problems,
then a
person from husband's relations and the other one from wife's
should arbitrate the situation. - If both attempts fail and
both parties agree, divorce can be applied. - If after a
divorce, a reunion occurs, it will be regarded as a fresh
marriage. However, there can be no more than two reunions. The
third divorce is a final one. In that case, the only
possibility is that the woman need to marry another man after
"iddat" (varies from 3-12 monthly periods for diff. opinions;
See Surah 2:228), consummate the marriage and get divorced and
remarry the first husband again after "iddat." (See 2:30). It
allows a man to be thoughtful and composed in such serious
matters and the marriage with another man allows a woman to
evaluate if there are other men better than her first husband
that she would like to be married. There is no compulsion in
her getting divorced from the second husband, if she likes him
better than the first one. [See also 2:224-232; 4:34-35;
4:127-130]
Some relatives that cannot be joined in a marriage are described
in Surah Nisaa 4:22-24.
The following are the positions of scholars and Islamic laws on
marriages bewteen Muslims and non-Muslims:
MUSLIM WOMAN AND NON-MUSLIM MAN:
..... And give not (your daughters) in marriage to
Al-Mushrikun** till they
believe in Allah alone and verily a believing slave is better
than a (free) Mushrik, even though he pleases you....[2:221] **
Al-Mushrikun=>Pagans, idolators, polytheist and disbelievers in
the Oneness of Allah and in His messanger Prophet Muhammad SAW)
- [[6]]
Islam considers the husband head-of-the-family and therefore
requires that a Muslima cannot marry a non-Muslim because she
will be under the authority of a non-muslim husband. He may
prevent her from carrying out her religious obligations by
either pressuring her or physically abusing her. But it is not
the sole reason for imposing the restriction. The situation is
considered very damaging for the woman to practise Islam
afterwards and even worse for the kids in such marriages. There
are NO conditions mentioned under which a Muslim woman IS
allowed to get married or remain married to a non-Muslim husband
after she has accepted Islam. Therefore, even if she has freedom
to practise Islam after marriage, she is NOT allowed to enter
into an inter-faith marriage.
MUSLIM MAN AND NON-MUSLIM WOMAN:
MARRIAGE WITH CHRISTIANS AND JEWS: The marriages between Muslim
men and CERTAIN non-Muslim women is allowed. However, certain
restricitions exist on such marriages, especially if they occur
in non-Muslim lands where Islamic law and religion is not
prevailing.
Here I am translating the "fatwaa" from Maulana Muhammad Yousuf
Ludhianvi, a well-known Muslim scholar from Pakistan, answering
a question regarding the shar'aii position of marriages in the
US with non-Muslim women. This question was asked by a Pakistani
Muslim, living in the US, and it appeared in Maulana's column
that is published every Friday in a daily newspaper, "Jang". He
interprets the Islamic law as following:
/******* 1- Non-Muslim women, to whom Muslim men can marry, are
the women from Christian and Jewish religions who are residents
of "Daar-ul-Islam****" nations where Islamic law prevails) and
who are thereby called, "Dhi'mmi" (those who give Jazzia instead
of Zakaat in an Islamic state??), but NOT the residents of "dar
al-kufr" (where the kuffar or non-Islamic rule exist). To these
women, marriage is allowed but is "mukrooh tanzihi." (I can't
translate it properly)
2- With Christian or Jewish women, who are resident of "dar
a-harb"****, the nikah (the marriage contract) will be valid,
but will be a "mukrooh Tahrimi" (worse than tanzihi) situation.
The act which is "mukrooh tarhimi" is so close to "haraam" (not
permissible at all) that it is ALMOST "haraam" and is "na'jaiz"
ie. not legal. The man involved will be responsible for
committing an act which is so close to a state of "sin".
**** Victor Danner describes "Dar al-Islam" as : the
House of Islam, or the Islamic world; the Islamic
community, where submission to the Divine Will reigns;
Opposed to dar- al-harb ( the non-Islamic community)
3- It is required that the women should be practising their
religion at the time of marriage and they are not practically
"Mulhid" (atheist). To any women, who doesn't believe in God,
religion, God's message and doesn't practise any religion at
all, the "nikaah" (marriage) will be INVALID and according to
"shari'ah" (Islamic Law), such a couple is involved in sin.
4- If any Muslim marries a woman from "People of the Books", the
children, by shar'iah (Islamic law) are considered to be Muslim.
For instance, often, in "dar al-harb," the kids adopt the
religion of their mother; and, sometimes, a marriage is arranged
upon agreements between the couples that half of kids will adopt
mother's and the other half will follow father's religion. If a
Muslim man agrees to ANY of such terms accepting the kids to be
raised non-Muslims, the person will be regarded as a "Murtid"
(the one who has denied Islam) because he has allowed his kids
to become "kaafir" who may have been brought up in Islamic
religion. Anyone who willingly and knowingly allows/agrees for
his kids to become "kaafir" is regarded as "kaafir." He is out
of the Islamic circle. If he had any Muslim woman in his
"nikaah" before this marriage, the Muslim woman is free from his
bond (because a Muslim woman can't remain married a
non-Muslim).
5- Since some of our naive Muslim youngmen, living in the West,
get married to the christian women in their countries. And
since, usually, the local courts allow the women to get the
custody of kids and the divorce settlement in their favor, our
youngmen are "khusar al-duniyaa wal'-aakhiraah", means the
wanderer or lost in this world and the Hereafter. Since,
according to sharia'ah, the "al-maa'roof ka'almashrrot", meaning
whatever is prevailing or common practise in the society is
being accepted in a marriage contract. It means a Muslim man,
by getting married under these circumstances in these countries,
is knowingly agreeing that the woman may, in case of divorce,
gets the custody of the kids and is free to raise them
afterwards as she pleases.
6- For all the above stated reasons, in non-Muslim countries, it
is not allowed for Muslim youngmen to marry Christian women. For
the reason #3 (woman not practising a religion), the "nikaah"
isn't even valid. Since the reason #4, leads to "kufr" and he
becomes "murtid", the marriage to any Muslim wife becomes
invalid. The reason #5 is not apllicable, if the local laws do
not usually grant custody to woman or if Muslim man hasn't
agreed to any "kufriaah" terms (such as accepting some kids to
be raised as non-Muslims). "Haaza ma' indee, wal'Allah ilm
bis'swaab." *******/
As it is clear, that Maulana Yousuf's position is extremely
strict on the issue of getting married to non-Muslim women in
the West. But so is the seriousness of such situations. A
scholar at Dar ul-Noor hifz school and Al-Farooq Masjid,
Atlanta, Dr. Abdul Ghaffar, recommends that if a Muslim is
already married to a non-Muslima, he should REMAIN married to
her. He should be kind and passionate to her and facilitate her
understand of true Islam. He should reflect Islam in his
character and encourage her to become Muslim voluntarily before
kids are born into such marriage. At that time, I found out the
Al-Farooq Masjid doesn't even administer ANY inter-faith
marriages.
The best option under these circumstances is to introduce the
woman to Islam and WAIT for her to accept Islam before getting
married. Imposing any firm conditions of her accepting Islam
before marriage will NOT do any good. Because, if a woman is
willing to accept Islam merely to get married to a Muslim man
that she likes, she will be most likely to leave Islam if the
marriage ends up in a divorce or even if the marriage becomes
unpleasant for her.
It should be desireable that a woman accepts Islam solely for
the reason that she likes Islam. Any forceful acceptance of
Islam is not likely to be permanent nor very suitable for a
happy marriage. If the woman is not a Muslim by her own choice,
then in case of divorce, she may leave Islam and be free to date
and marry a non-Muslim. Her new family may ultimately decide how
to raise the Muslim man's children. This situation should never
be acceptable to any Muslim man.
MARRIAGE WITH KUFFARS:
Marriages between Muslims and atheists are not permissible at
all. In such cases, the man or woman should accept Islam before
entering into a shar'ai legal "nikaah."
And do not marry Al-Mushrikats {idolatress, etc.} till they
believe (worship Allah alone). And indeed a slave woman is
better than a (free) Mushrikah {idolatress, etc.}, even though
she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to
Al-Mushrikun** till they believe in Allah alone and verily a
believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik, even though he
pleases you. Those Al-Mushrikun invite you to the Fire {Al
naar}, but Allah invites you to the Paradise and Forgiveness by
His Leave, and makes His Ayaat {proofs, evidences, lessons,
verses, signs, etc.} clear to mankind that they may remember.
[Surah 2:221] [[6]]
"...... (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste
women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of
the Book revealed before your time, when you give them their due
dowries, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor sectret
intrigues. If anyone rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and
in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost
(all the spritual good)." [Surah 5:5] <<< See the following two
notes >>>
# A note[7] following the above passage further describes that
a Muslim man can marry a woman from their ranks on same terms as
he would marry a Muslim woman, i.e. he must give her an economic
and moral status, and must not actuate merely by motives of lust
and physical desires. A Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim
primarily because her religious affiliation and duties will be
affected by the authority of her husband. A non-Muslim woman
marrying a Muslim man are expected to eventually accept Islam.
Any man or woman, from any race or faith, upon ACCEPTING Islam
can freely marry any Muslim, man or woman, provided the
objective is purity and chasteness and not lewdness.
____________________________________________________________________________
## In the above verse, "People of Books" refers to the
"followers" of the religions who received God's message in the
form of teachings by Prophet Moses (AS) and Prophet Jesus (AS)
before Islam. However, the term "people of Books" by no mean
refers to the present Torah or Pentateuch or The Bible which
were written by various authors decades and centuries after
their respective Prophets. The term "Books" therefore does NOT
affirm in any manner the validity of the present Bible
(canonized in 325 AC) or Torah (written over an uncertain period
est. 1500-1350 BCE??) as God's message as their followers
vehemently argue and would like Muslims to take the term "Book"
for their Bible or Torah. The following note by Abdullah Yousuf
Ali is worth mentioning here:
Note #390: ...The Original Gospel (see Surah 3:48 below) was not
the various stories written afterwards by disciples***, but the
real message taught directly by Jesus (AS). *** St Paul, author
of almost half of the New Testament and the one annuling Mosaic
law, and Luke, to whom "Gospel According to Luke" is attributed,
were not even among the original 12 disciples.
"And Allah will teach him (Jesus (AS)) The Book and Wisdom, The
Law and the Gospel." [Surah 3:48]
[This clearly indicate to THE Gospel given to Jesus (AS) and
not to the Council of Nicaea which decided, in 325AC, by
vote, what The Bible canon should be comprised of .]
"There is among them a section who distort the book with
tongues; (As they read) you would think it is part of the Book,
But it is no part of Book; and they say, "That is from Allah,"
But it is they who tell a lie against Allah, and (well) they
know it!" [Surah 3:78]
Note: Much has been already said on this topic on s.r.i.
_______________________________________________________________________
MARRIAGE WITH JEWS: According to Jews, a Jewish Mother gives
birth to a Jew. As one of my friend tells, this issue has caused
problems especially in Israel where a woman who married a Muslim
man was exhorted by Jews and ultimately she accepted Islam to
avoid the pressure on her family. All the rules that apply to
christian women, so apply here as well.
__________________________________________________________________
[1] Hammudah Abdalati, "Islam in Focus", pg. 114, American
Trust
Publications, Indiana. [2] Victor Danner, "The
Islamic Tradition: An Introduction", pp.130,
Amity House, New York. [3] [1] pp. 179. [4]
[1] pp. 115. [5] [1] pp. 180 [6] "The Holy Qur'an:
Interpretation of the Meaning of The Noble
Qur'an in the English Language" A summarized version of
At-Tabari, Al-Qurtubi, and Ibn Kathir with comments from
Shahih Al Bukhari. By Dr. Muhammad Mohsin Khan & Dr.
Muhammad Taqi-Ud-Din Al-Hilali, 1993, Islamic
University, Al-Madina Al-Munawwara, Maktaba
Dar-Us-Salaam, Riyadh, KSA. Phone:4033962, Fax:4021659.
[7] A Yusuf Ali, "The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and
commentary",
Sh. Muhammad Ashraf Ali Publishers and Booksellers,
Lahore, Pakistan. 1939
Islamic marriage has two sides which are two facets of a single reality.
Islamic marriage has two sides which are two facets of a single reality.
One facet deals with the inner nature of marriage - the "why" of marriage - the deeper, less self-evident purposes of marriage.
The other is the practical side which seeks to ensure a firm, non-sentimental approach to practical issues which are necessary for a successful negotiation of the difficult path of marriage.
The marriage ceremony (nikah) reflects these two facets.
One facet is the intention which the man and woman make internally within themselves as they recite the marriage contract. This intention must be firm and clear and based upon the understanding of marriage as laid out in the Qur'an:
"It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love...."(7:189) The male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person.
The other facet is the legal facet - the fact that marriage is also a contract with attendant rights and obligations which the man and woman fulfil towards one another. It is in this contract that the man and woman can specify terms and conditions of the marriage, if they wish to. By making the practical side upfront and clear there can be no misunderstandings at a later time. The words of the actual contract are as follows:
The woman says: "I have made myself your wife and have accepted the mahr." Then the man responds: "I have accepted the marriage." The words should be recited in Arabic, if possible. If one is unable to recite them in Arabic then a representative (wakeel) recites them on your behalf, as in: "Fatima makes herself your wife....". It should be noted here that the act of marriage is in the hands of the woman - she is the one who does the giving - the man then accepts what she gives.
It is through the nikah (and only through the nikah) that a man and woman become legally permissable to one another for the type of close and intimate relationship signified in marriage.
The mahr is a "free gift" that the man offers to the woman as a token of the seriousness of his intention and his love for her - that he sacrifices something of his substance to her as a gift that is hers to do with as she pleases. The mahr can range from something immaterial such as teaching a verse of the Qur'an to his wife, to a ring, to property or money. The mahr must be agreed upon by the man and woman themselves, not their parents. The mahr is given to the bride - not her parents. The mahr is hers and hers alone and she may return all or a portion of it to her husband, if she so wishes or use it in whatever way she desires without pressure from the husband or either hers or his family.
rumi on marriage
May your vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, sweet drink and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
your every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name, an omen as welcome as the moon in a clear evening sky....
May spirit enter and mingle in this marriage.
- Rumi (Kulliyat-i-Shams)
About this article
When my younger sister got married I struggled to write a brief explanation about marriage in Islam, portraying it not simply from the legal (fiqh) standpoint, but from the profound view of marriage presented in the Qur'an and expressed practically in the lives of some of the best exemplars of the religion. This brief explanation was placed on a now long defunct website of mine (called "Tawil") and subsequently reworked into a short speech read (years later) at my niece's (my older sister's daughter's) wedding reception. The original text of that speech is lost (thanks to me losing my roughly scrawled notes), but what follows is a fairly close reconstruction (I think) of the original.
One facet deals with the inner nature of marriage - the "why" of marriage - the deeper, less self-evident purposes of marriage.
The other is the practical side which seeks to ensure a firm, non-sentimental approach to practical issues which are necessary for a successful negotiation of the difficult path of marriage.
The marriage ceremony (nikah) reflects these two facets.
One facet is the intention which the man and woman make internally within themselves as they recite the marriage contract. This intention must be firm and clear and based upon the understanding of marriage as laid out in the Qur'an:
"It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love...."(7:189) The male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person.
The other facet is the legal facet - the fact that marriage is also a contract with attendant rights and obligations which the man and woman fulfil towards one another. It is in this contract that the man and woman can specify terms and conditions of the marriage, if they wish to. By making the practical side upfront and clear there can be no misunderstandings at a later time. The words of the actual contract are as follows:
The woman says: "I have made myself your wife and have accepted the mahr." Then the man responds: "I have accepted the marriage." The words should be recited in Arabic, if possible. If one is unable to recite them in Arabic then a representative (wakeel) recites them on your behalf, as in: "Fatima makes herself your wife....". It should be noted here that the act of marriage is in the hands of the woman - she is the one who does the giving - the man then accepts what she gives.
It is through the nikah (and only through the nikah) that a man and woman become legally permissable to one another for the type of close and intimate relationship signified in marriage.
The mahr is a "free gift" that the man offers to the woman as a token of the seriousness of his intention and his love for her - that he sacrifices something of his substance to her as a gift that is hers to do with as she pleases. The mahr can range from something immaterial such as teaching a verse of the Qur'an to his wife, to a ring, to property or money. The mahr must be agreed upon by the man and woman themselves, not their parents. The mahr is given to the bride - not her parents. The mahr is hers and hers alone and she may return all or a portion of it to her husband, if she so wishes or use it in whatever way she desires without pressure from the husband or either hers or his family.
rumi on marriage
May your vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, sweet drink and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
your every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name, an omen as welcome as the moon in a clear evening sky....
May spirit enter and mingle in this marriage.
- Rumi (Kulliyat-i-Shams)
About this article
When my younger sister got married I struggled to write a brief explanation about marriage in Islam, portraying it not simply from the legal (fiqh) standpoint, but from the profound view of marriage presented in the Qur'an and expressed practically in the lives of some of the best exemplars of the religion. This brief explanation was placed on a now long defunct website of mine (called "Tawil") and subsequently reworked into a short speech read (years later) at my niece's (my older sister's daughter's) wedding reception. The original text of that speech is lost (thanks to me losing my roughly scrawled notes), but what follows is a fairly close reconstruction (I think) of the original.
Marriage (Nikah) in Islam
Marriage (Nikah) in Islam
Added Aug 10, 2003
So... marriage....What is it? What does the Qur'an say about it?
The Prophet (s.a.) was once asked, "What is more important than prayer?" He replied, "The spirit of prayer" - the spirit that animates the prayer. He was asked what is more important than fasting - he replied, the spirit of fasting. For each question concerning an Islamic practise the answer was the same - because the spirit brings the action to life and unfolds its potentials. Without this animating spirit, the prayer is only movement, and the fasting only hunger. But when spirit enters, when a pure and concentrated intention enters, the action is transformed - the prayer gains the potential to become a miraj (an elevating spiritual journey), and the one fasting approaches towards the potential to witness laylatul qadr (the night of destiny - a night when blessings from the spiritual world descend to this world).
So what is more important than marriage? It is the spirit of marriage, the intention which underlies it, the treasures which it contains hidden within it but which must be brought out and realized by the married couple themselves.
The qur'an provides the signposts and waymarks for learning about this potential. It says:
"It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love...."(7:189) So the male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person, one spirit.
The Qur'an says: "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:187) So a husband and wife complete each other - each one takes on a new aspect of their humanity, a new facet and depth to their personality by entering into marriage and this is symbolized in this verse. Garments also conceal the body and protect the wearer so that a husband and wife are each other's protectors and helpers and each of them safeguards their partner's honor shaping the state of marriage into a haven and a sanctuary where each should feel safe and secure, sheltered in one another's care and guardianship.
The qur'an also says "And of everything we created a pair, that happily you may remember." (Qur'an 51:49) The word for spouse, "zawj", (this is the word that is used in the marriage ceremony, the Nikkah ceremony) - the word zawj literally means one part of a pair - and when the pair come together and act in concert with one another, then concealed potentials within them, potentials that were impossible to realize while they were apart make themselves evident. This is true throughout creation. And human marriage in the Qur'an is considered a reflection of a nature and tendency that exists at all levels of creation. When something is created as one part of a pair it is clearly incomplete without the other - as the Qur'an states, "He himself created the pair, male and female." (Qur'an 53:45)
The term nikkah which is used for marriage is also used figuratively to describe the coming together of various aspects of creation. For example it says, in the Qur'an, that "the rain married the soil" and then it describes how, from this intimate mingling, something new springs forth - that the earth brings forth flowers and herbage, it opens to new creations, new life, new potentials. So the act of marriage, the mingling through nikah, according to Islam, courses through all things, through all of creation. Each pair of the marriage brings something necessary and something unique to the marriage. The pairs are not identical but complimentary to one another and their unique qualities when they are mingled together produce that which neither one alone could produce.
So each individual of the pair undergoes change and transformation when they come together in marriage because marriage is an intimate mingling of the selves, the souls, the personalities and the beings of two individuals.
In human marriage the change takes place at many levels - from a change in lifestyle, to changes in behavior, to changes in the very soul of the person. And there must be that willingness, on the part of both individuals, to allow this unifying transformation to take place. To accept the self the way it is, is to lock oneself into stagnation and narrowness and to remain an individual - not part of an intimately joined pair. It is to limit and lock up the potential, the beauty and strength that is capable of emerging from the intimate unity made possible through marriage.
Since "God created everything in pairs", as it states in the Qur'an, and since He "created the male and the female from a single nature, from a single self", it is God that is the point of reference for the married pair. "He has set up the balance..." of all things, so He is to be looked for to set all things in the right equilibrium. If the two partners of a marriage set themselves in correct relation to God then certainly a perfect balance will be realized within their lives together.
Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness, and since God is One, "the closer the heart is to Oneness, the stronger the power of love is within it."
Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness. "God made their hearts familiar" (8:63) through the light of Oneness that yields spiritual love and familiarity in the heart. For love is the shadow of Oneness, familiarity the shadow of love, and balance the shadow of familiarity."
Let this married couple be helpers and protectors of one another, let them be a refuge and a comfort to one another, let them be beautiful garments for one another, and let them together experience the many treasures and beauties of marriage.
Added Aug 10, 2003
So... marriage....What is it? What does the Qur'an say about it?
The Prophet (s.a.) was once asked, "What is more important than prayer?" He replied, "The spirit of prayer" - the spirit that animates the prayer. He was asked what is more important than fasting - he replied, the spirit of fasting. For each question concerning an Islamic practise the answer was the same - because the spirit brings the action to life and unfolds its potentials. Without this animating spirit, the prayer is only movement, and the fasting only hunger. But when spirit enters, when a pure and concentrated intention enters, the action is transformed - the prayer gains the potential to become a miraj (an elevating spiritual journey), and the one fasting approaches towards the potential to witness laylatul qadr (the night of destiny - a night when blessings from the spiritual world descend to this world).
So what is more important than marriage? It is the spirit of marriage, the intention which underlies it, the treasures which it contains hidden within it but which must be brought out and realized by the married couple themselves.
The qur'an provides the signposts and waymarks for learning about this potential. It says:
"It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love...."(7:189) So the male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person, one spirit.
The Qur'an says: "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:187) So a husband and wife complete each other - each one takes on a new aspect of their humanity, a new facet and depth to their personality by entering into marriage and this is symbolized in this verse. Garments also conceal the body and protect the wearer so that a husband and wife are each other's protectors and helpers and each of them safeguards their partner's honor shaping the state of marriage into a haven and a sanctuary where each should feel safe and secure, sheltered in one another's care and guardianship.
The qur'an also says "And of everything we created a pair, that happily you may remember." (Qur'an 51:49) The word for spouse, "zawj", (this is the word that is used in the marriage ceremony, the Nikkah ceremony) - the word zawj literally means one part of a pair - and when the pair come together and act in concert with one another, then concealed potentials within them, potentials that were impossible to realize while they were apart make themselves evident. This is true throughout creation. And human marriage in the Qur'an is considered a reflection of a nature and tendency that exists at all levels of creation. When something is created as one part of a pair it is clearly incomplete without the other - as the Qur'an states, "He himself created the pair, male and female." (Qur'an 53:45)
The term nikkah which is used for marriage is also used figuratively to describe the coming together of various aspects of creation. For example it says, in the Qur'an, that "the rain married the soil" and then it describes how, from this intimate mingling, something new springs forth - that the earth brings forth flowers and herbage, it opens to new creations, new life, new potentials. So the act of marriage, the mingling through nikah, according to Islam, courses through all things, through all of creation. Each pair of the marriage brings something necessary and something unique to the marriage. The pairs are not identical but complimentary to one another and their unique qualities when they are mingled together produce that which neither one alone could produce.
So each individual of the pair undergoes change and transformation when they come together in marriage because marriage is an intimate mingling of the selves, the souls, the personalities and the beings of two individuals.
In human marriage the change takes place at many levels - from a change in lifestyle, to changes in behavior, to changes in the very soul of the person. And there must be that willingness, on the part of both individuals, to allow this unifying transformation to take place. To accept the self the way it is, is to lock oneself into stagnation and narrowness and to remain an individual - not part of an intimately joined pair. It is to limit and lock up the potential, the beauty and strength that is capable of emerging from the intimate unity made possible through marriage.
Since "God created everything in pairs", as it states in the Qur'an, and since He "created the male and the female from a single nature, from a single self", it is God that is the point of reference for the married pair. "He has set up the balance..." of all things, so He is to be looked for to set all things in the right equilibrium. If the two partners of a marriage set themselves in correct relation to God then certainly a perfect balance will be realized within their lives together.
Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness, and since God is One, "the closer the heart is to Oneness, the stronger the power of love is within it."
Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness. "God made their hearts familiar" (8:63) through the light of Oneness that yields spiritual love and familiarity in the heart. For love is the shadow of Oneness, familiarity the shadow of love, and balance the shadow of familiarity."
Let this married couple be helpers and protectors of one another, let them be a refuge and a comfort to one another, let them be beautiful garments for one another, and let them together experience the many treasures and beauties of marriage.
Monday, 7 March 2011
The Society for the Protection of our Constitution is taking on several Muslim organisations in court over the much-debated Muslim Marriages Bill.
The Society for the Protection of our Constitution is taking on several Muslim organisations in court over the much-debated Muslim Marriages Bill.
It says that the Bill is anti-Islamic and wants the court to order that the organisations should properly consult with the Muslim community and provide comments to the Minister of Justice.
The application, lodged in the South Gauteng High Court is expected to be heard on March 8.
It has been lodged against Scholars of the Truth, the MJC, Jamiatul Ulama Transvaal, the United Ulama Council of SA, the Al Jama-ah political party, the Muslim Lawyers Association, the Council of Righteous Female Islamic Theologians, Jamiatul Ulama of KwaZulu-Natal, Jamiatul Ulama Gauteng and the Majlis.
In an affidavit filed at the High Court, society secretary Muahmmed Hussein Vawda said that, until now, Muslims had kept their affairs away from the secular arms of government and the legislature, and abided by shariah law.
He said that shariah, which was consistent with the Quran, was not compatible with South African law, particularly the Constitution.
“The freedoms and rights afforded in the Constitution are not all afforded in Islamic/shariah law,” he said.
Vawda said in the affidavit that the Bill raised various contentious issues and that, if enacted, it would be subject to attack to bring it in line with the Constitution.
He raised concerns that, since shariah did not afford the same polygamy rights to women as it did to men, the legislation could later be amended to allow women to have more than one partner.
In addition, it was liable to be amended to allow same sex marriages in line with the South African Constitution, he said. “Homosexuality is forbidden in Islam.”
Vawda added that the Bill encouraged illicit affairs and adultery in situations in which men were declined permission to engage in a polygamous marriage.
Another concern was that Muslim affairs would be adjudicated by secular courts and that these courts did not respect the Muslim lifestyle.
He asked the court to order that the Minister of Justice extend the period for comment to November 15.
The respondents have not yet filed any opposing papers
It says that the Bill is anti-Islamic and wants the court to order that the organisations should properly consult with the Muslim community and provide comments to the Minister of Justice.
The application, lodged in the South Gauteng High Court is expected to be heard on March 8.
It has been lodged against Scholars of the Truth, the MJC, Jamiatul Ulama Transvaal, the United Ulama Council of SA, the Al Jama-ah political party, the Muslim Lawyers Association, the Council of Righteous Female Islamic Theologians, Jamiatul Ulama of KwaZulu-Natal, Jamiatul Ulama Gauteng and the Majlis.
In an affidavit filed at the High Court, society secretary Muahmmed Hussein Vawda said that, until now, Muslims had kept their affairs away from the secular arms of government and the legislature, and abided by shariah law.
He said that shariah, which was consistent with the Quran, was not compatible with South African law, particularly the Constitution.
“The freedoms and rights afforded in the Constitution are not all afforded in Islamic/shariah law,” he said.
Vawda said in the affidavit that the Bill raised various contentious issues and that, if enacted, it would be subject to attack to bring it in line with the Constitution.
He raised concerns that, since shariah did not afford the same polygamy rights to women as it did to men, the legislation could later be amended to allow women to have more than one partner.
In addition, it was liable to be amended to allow same sex marriages in line with the South African Constitution, he said. “Homosexuality is forbidden in Islam.”
Vawda added that the Bill encouraged illicit affairs and adultery in situations in which men were declined permission to engage in a polygamous marriage.
Another concern was that Muslim affairs would be adjudicated by secular courts and that these courts did not respect the Muslim lifestyle.
He asked the court to order that the Minister of Justice extend the period for comment to November 15.
The respondents have not yet filed any opposing papers
Friday, 4 March 2011
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