MARRIAGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND NON-MUSLIMS

MARRIAGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND NON-MUSLIMS


by Arif Khan asklogic @ yahoo.com



In following discussion I will attempt to address the issues
invloved in a Muslim marrying a non-Muslim. I will first discuss
the matter in the light of religious laws and the opinions of
scholars.

Then I will discuss the social aspects of family life and
children in an inter-faith marriage. The ideas in this part are
based on my and my friends' personal experiences in inter-faith
marriages and may be at VERY odds with your experiences or views
on this matter.

Readers are encouraged to indicate any mistakes that I make here
regarding Islamic laws and teachings.

Note: References are provided at the end of this article.
--------------------------------------------------------------

CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM: There are several passages and
verses in The Holy Qur'an regarding marriage
and family that encourage Muslims to be married, if possible.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has even said that when a Muslim
marries, he has fulfilled half of the religious devotion and
duties and then he should take care of other half by being
God-minded and aware of his obligations. [1]

Marraige is considered a religious duty in Islam and is enjoined
upon all believers who can afford it. It provides a moral
safeguard and legal means to develop relationship with the
opposite sex and to extend the family. It is both solemn and
sacred above physical terms. It is not only a contract between
two persons committing themselves to eachother but it is a
contract to which God Almighty is made the first Witness. It is
made with every intention of making it permanent to the eternal
success. Celibacy is NOT recommended either for Muslim men or
women.

"The motivating cause of union - matrimonial and carnal -
between the spouses is said to be love. This is a Qur'anic
thesis that affirms the primacy of love as the cause of
marriage, not simple reproduction. Nevertheless, the religious
authorities, almost unanimously, interpret marriage as primarily
reproductive in nature and as a means of perpetuating the
species.

.....Islam views the carnal act as not merely the source of
pleasure but
also of as a source of "barakah" means that sexuality has
apositive conotations and is not associated with sin,.."[2]

The following issues must be observed when a marriage based on
Islamic priciples is desired[3]:

- Both parties should get familiarized sincerely with eachother
without getting involved in immoral acts or crossing boundaries
set by Islamic moral teachings. No party should attempt to
deceive the other in this process.

- Woman should be chosen on the basis of their permanent values,
such as, high morals, religious devotion, and not merely on her
attractiveness or other mudane wealths. The Prophet is reported
to have said that a woman is ordinarily sought as wife for her
wealth, for her beauty, for the nobility of her stock, or for
her religios qualities; but blessed and fortunate is he who
chooses his mate for piety in preference to everything else. [4]

- Woman is encouraged to judge whether the man is actually
worthy of her respect, love and capable of providing her
happiness in the whole life. She should consider if her
marriage to the man will be allow her to fulfill the duties of a
wife wholeheartedly.

- Woman has a right to demand dowry (gift) from the man that she
feel comfortable with. The man should meet her demands to show
his willingness to undertake to responsibilities of married life
and his readiness and capability to fulfill her justified
needs.

- The consent of both man and woman is necessary condition for
the marriage without which the marriage is not valid.

- The marraige ceremony should be made as publicly known as
possible and should be celebrated in a joyful manner.

- The marriage ceremony should be held before atleast two adult
witnesses from the community and should be registered in
official documents.

- The maintenance of the wife and family is husband's duty. The
marriage entitles her with these rights and imposes certain
obligations upon both parties. Any property which belongs to her
before or during the marriage, the man has no right to the
wife's property during or after the marriage. This issue
relieves the marriage of certain materialistic objectives and
ensures the bond remain noble and beyond mundane greed.

The role of husband demands him to be bound by the promise to
God to be kind and patient toward her; to keep her honorably in
the marriage or otherwise free her from the martial bond
honorably.[ Ref. Surah 2:229-232; 4:19]

The wife is expected to work toward the happiness and comfort of
her family. Wife must be sincere toward the family and honest
and loyal to her husband. She should not deliberately avoid
conception against her husband's will [1]. Both spouses should
keep eachother's honor and protect and gratify eachother with
love.

When a marriage based on Islamic principles has irreconcilable
differences or irreparable damage done to the mutual trust, then
as a last resort to make the distasteful marriage end, divorce
is applicable. Divorce has been defined by the Prophet as the
most detestable of all lawful things in the sight of God
Almighty. Scholars believe a final course must be followed
before a divorce is made final[5]:

- Both parties involved should try to reconcile the difference,
settle the disputes and solve the problems within themselves. -
If they fail to come to an agreement and solve their problems,
then a
person from husband's relations and the other one from wife's
should arbitrate the situation. - If both attempts fail and
both parties agree, divorce can be applied. - If after a
divorce, a reunion occurs, it will be regarded as a fresh
marriage. However, there can be no more than two reunions. The
third divorce is a final one. In that case, the only
possibility is that the woman need to marry another man after
"iddat" (varies from 3-12 monthly periods for diff. opinions;
See Surah 2:228), consummate the marriage and get divorced and
remarry the first husband again after "iddat." (See 2:30). It
allows a man to be thoughtful and composed in such serious
matters and the marriage with another man allows a woman to
evaluate if there are other men better than her first husband
that she would like to be married. There is no compulsion in
her getting divorced from the second husband, if she likes him
better than the first one. [See also 2:224-232; 4:34-35;
4:127-130]

Some relatives that cannot be joined in a marriage are described
in Surah Nisaa 4:22-24.


The following are the positions of scholars and Islamic laws on
marriages bewteen Muslims and non-Muslims:

MUSLIM WOMAN AND NON-MUSLIM MAN:

..... And give not (your daughters) in marriage to
Al-Mushrikun** till they
believe in Allah alone and verily a believing slave is better
than a (free) Mushrik, even though he pleases you....[2:221] **
Al-Mushrikun=>Pagans, idolators, polytheist and disbelievers in
the Oneness of Allah and in His messanger Prophet Muhammad SAW)
- [[6]]

Islam considers the husband head-of-the-family and therefore
requires that a Muslima cannot marry a non-Muslim because she
will be under the authority of a non-muslim husband. He may
prevent her from carrying out her religious obligations by
either pressuring her or physically abusing her. But it is not
the sole reason for imposing the restriction. The situation is
considered very damaging for the woman to practise Islam
afterwards and even worse for the kids in such marriages. There
are NO conditions mentioned under which a Muslim woman IS
allowed to get married or remain married to a non-Muslim husband
after she has accepted Islam. Therefore, even if she has freedom
to practise Islam after marriage, she is NOT allowed to enter
into an inter-faith marriage.


MUSLIM MAN AND NON-MUSLIM WOMAN:

MARRIAGE WITH CHRISTIANS AND JEWS: The marriages between Muslim
men and CERTAIN non-Muslim women is allowed. However, certain
restricitions exist on such marriages, especially if they occur
in non-Muslim lands where Islamic law and religion is not
prevailing.

Here I am translating the "fatwaa" from Maulana Muhammad Yousuf
Ludhianvi, a well-known Muslim scholar from Pakistan, answering
a question regarding the shar'aii position of marriages in the
US with non-Muslim women. This question was asked by a Pakistani
Muslim, living in the US, and it appeared in Maulana's column
that is published every Friday in a daily newspaper, "Jang". He
interprets the Islamic law as following:

/******* 1- Non-Muslim women, to whom Muslim men can marry, are
the women from Christian and Jewish religions who are residents
of "Daar-ul-Islam****" nations where Islamic law prevails) and
who are thereby called, "Dhi'mmi" (those who give Jazzia instead
of Zakaat in an Islamic state??), but NOT the residents of "dar
al-kufr" (where the kuffar or non-Islamic rule exist). To these
women, marriage is allowed but is "mukrooh tanzihi." (I can't
translate it properly)

2- With Christian or Jewish women, who are resident of "dar
a-harb"****, the nikah (the marriage contract) will be valid,
but will be a "mukrooh Tahrimi" (worse than tanzihi) situation.
The act which is "mukrooh tarhimi" is so close to "haraam" (not
permissible at all) that it is ALMOST "haraam" and is "na'jaiz"
ie. not legal. The man involved will be responsible for
committing an act which is so close to a state of "sin".
**** Victor Danner describes "Dar al-Islam" as : the
House of Islam, or the Islamic world; the Islamic
community, where submission to the Divine Will reigns;
Opposed to dar- al-harb ( the non-Islamic community)

3- It is required that the women should be practising their
religion at the time of marriage and they are not practically
"Mulhid" (atheist). To any women, who doesn't believe in God,
religion, God's message and doesn't practise any religion at
all, the "nikaah" (marriage) will be INVALID and according to
"shari'ah" (Islamic Law), such a couple is involved in sin.

4- If any Muslim marries a woman from "People of the Books", the
children, by shar'iah (Islamic law) are considered to be Muslim.
For instance, often, in "dar al-harb," the kids adopt the
religion of their mother; and, sometimes, a marriage is arranged
upon agreements between the couples that half of kids will adopt
mother's and the other half will follow father's religion. If a
Muslim man agrees to ANY of such terms accepting the kids to be
raised non-Muslims, the person will be regarded as a "Murtid"
(the one who has denied Islam) because he has allowed his kids
to become "kaafir" who may have been brought up in Islamic
religion. Anyone who willingly and knowingly allows/agrees for
his kids to become "kaafir" is regarded as "kaafir." He is out
of the Islamic circle. If he had any Muslim woman in his
"nikaah" before this marriage, the Muslim woman is free from his
bond (because a Muslim woman can't remain married a
non-Muslim).

5- Since some of our naive Muslim youngmen, living in the West,
get married to the christian women in their countries. And
since, usually, the local courts allow the women to get the
custody of kids and the divorce settlement in their favor, our
youngmen are "khusar al-duniyaa wal'-aakhiraah", means the
wanderer or lost in this world and the Hereafter. Since,
according to sharia'ah, the "al-maa'roof ka'almashrrot", meaning
whatever is prevailing or common practise in the society is
being accepted in a marriage contract. It means a Muslim man,
by getting married under these circumstances in these countries,
is knowingly agreeing that the woman may, in case of divorce,
gets the custody of the kids and is free to raise them
afterwards as she pleases.

6- For all the above stated reasons, in non-Muslim countries, it
is not allowed for Muslim youngmen to marry Christian women. For
the reason #3 (woman not practising a religion), the "nikaah"
isn't even valid. Since the reason #4, leads to "kufr" and he
becomes "murtid", the marriage to any Muslim wife becomes
invalid. The reason #5 is not apllicable, if the local laws do
not usually grant custody to woman or if Muslim man hasn't
agreed to any "kufriaah" terms (such as accepting some kids to
be raised as non-Muslims). "Haaza ma' indee, wal'Allah ilm
bis'swaab." *******/

As it is clear, that Maulana Yousuf's position is extremely
strict on the issue of getting married to non-Muslim women in
the West. But so is the seriousness of such situations. A
scholar at Dar ul-Noor hifz school and Al-Farooq Masjid,
Atlanta, Dr. Abdul Ghaffar, recommends that if a Muslim is
already married to a non-Muslima, he should REMAIN married to
her. He should be kind and passionate to her and facilitate her
understand of true Islam. He should reflect Islam in his
character and encourage her to become Muslim voluntarily before
kids are born into such marriage. At that time, I found out the
Al-Farooq Masjid doesn't even administer ANY inter-faith
marriages.

The best option under these circumstances is to introduce the
woman to Islam and WAIT for her to accept Islam before getting
married. Imposing any firm conditions of her accepting Islam
before marriage will NOT do any good. Because, if a woman is
willing to accept Islam merely to get married to a Muslim man
that she likes, she will be most likely to leave Islam if the
marriage ends up in a divorce or even if the marriage becomes
unpleasant for her.

It should be desireable that a woman accepts Islam solely for
the reason that she likes Islam. Any forceful acceptance of
Islam is not likely to be permanent nor very suitable for a
happy marriage. If the woman is not a Muslim by her own choice,
then in case of divorce, she may leave Islam and be free to date
and marry a non-Muslim. Her new family may ultimately decide how
to raise the Muslim man's children. This situation should never
be acceptable to any Muslim man.



MARRIAGE WITH KUFFARS:

Marriages between Muslims and atheists are not permissible at
all. In such cases, the man or woman should accept Islam before
entering into a shar'ai legal "nikaah."

And do not marry Al-Mushrikats {idolatress, etc.} till they
believe (worship Allah alone). And indeed a slave woman is
better than a (free) Mushrikah {idolatress, etc.}, even though
she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to
Al-Mushrikun** till they believe in Allah alone and verily a
believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik, even though he
pleases you. Those Al-Mushrikun invite you to the Fire {Al
naar}, but Allah invites you to the Paradise and Forgiveness by
His Leave, and makes His Ayaat {proofs, evidences, lessons,
verses, signs, etc.} clear to mankind that they may remember.
[Surah 2:221] [[6]]

"...... (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste
women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of
the Book revealed before your time, when you give them their due
dowries, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor sectret
intrigues. If anyone rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and
in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost
(all the spritual good)." [Surah 5:5] <<< See the following two
notes >>>

# A note[7] following the above passage further describes that
a Muslim man can marry a woman from their ranks on same terms as
he would marry a Muslim woman, i.e. he must give her an economic
and moral status, and must not actuate merely by motives of lust
and physical desires. A Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim
primarily because her religious affiliation and duties will be
affected by the authority of her husband. A non-Muslim woman
marrying a Muslim man are expected to eventually accept Islam.
Any man or woman, from any race or faith, upon ACCEPTING Islam
can freely marry any Muslim, man or woman, provided the
objective is purity and chasteness and not lewdness.
____________________________________________________________________________
## In the above verse, "People of Books" refers to the
"followers" of the religions who received God's message in the
form of teachings by Prophet Moses (AS) and Prophet Jesus (AS)
before Islam. However, the term "people of Books" by no mean
refers to the present Torah or Pentateuch or The Bible which
were written by various authors decades and centuries after
their respective Prophets. The term "Books" therefore does NOT
affirm in any manner the validity of the present Bible
(canonized in 325 AC) or Torah (written over an uncertain period
est. 1500-1350 BCE??) as God's message as their followers
vehemently argue and would like Muslims to take the term "Book"
for their Bible or Torah. The following note by Abdullah Yousuf
Ali is worth mentioning here:

Note #390: ...The Original Gospel (see Surah 3:48 below) was not
the various stories written afterwards by disciples***, but the
real message taught directly by Jesus (AS). *** St Paul, author
of almost half of the New Testament and the one annuling Mosaic
law, and Luke, to whom "Gospel According to Luke" is attributed,
were not even among the original 12 disciples.

"And Allah will teach him (Jesus (AS)) The Book and Wisdom, The
Law and the Gospel." [Surah 3:48]
[This clearly indicate to THE Gospel given to Jesus (AS) and
not to the Council of Nicaea which decided, in 325AC, by
vote, what The Bible canon should be comprised of .]

"There is among them a section who distort the book with
tongues; (As they read) you would think it is part of the Book,
But it is no part of Book; and they say, "That is from Allah,"
But it is they who tell a lie against Allah, and (well) they
know it!" [Surah 3:78]

Note: Much has been already said on this topic on s.r.i.
_______________________________________________________________________


MARRIAGE WITH JEWS: According to Jews, a Jewish Mother gives
birth to a Jew. As one of my friend tells, this issue has caused
problems especially in Israel where a woman who married a Muslim
man was exhorted by Jews and ultimately she accepted Islam to
avoid the pressure on her family. All the rules that apply to
christian women, so apply here as well.
__________________________________________________________________




[1] Hammudah Abdalati, "Islam in Focus", pg. 114, American
Trust
Publications, Indiana. [2] Victor Danner, "The
Islamic Tradition: An Introduction", pp.130,
Amity House, New York. [3] [1] pp. 179. [4]
[1] pp. 115. [5] [1] pp. 180 [6] "The Holy Qur'an:
Interpretation of the Meaning of The Noble
Qur'an in the English Language" A summarized version of
At-Tabari, Al-Qurtubi, and Ibn Kathir with comments from
Shahih Al Bukhari. By Dr. Muhammad Mohsin Khan & Dr.
Muhammad Taqi-Ud-Din Al-Hilali, 1993, Islamic
University, Al-Madina Al-Munawwara, Maktaba
Dar-Us-Salaam, Riyadh, KSA. Phone:4033962, Fax:4021659.
[7] A Yusuf Ali, "The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and
commentary",
Sh. Muhammad Ashraf Ali Publishers and Booksellers,
Lahore, Pakistan. 1939